God even loves idiots like me

It hurts Weally Weally bad.

2009-11-10T07:37:00.001-05:00

I wrote this about two years ago and is my favorite post. I thought I would share it with those who did not know me back then.

Last night my wife and I were woke up at three in the morning by my youngest son screaming. I thought maybe his hand was hurting him because the day before his brother slammed his hand in the van door. My wife must had heard him long before I did because I heard her talking to him.Zach "Mommy my leg hurts weally weally bad."Sheila "I know baby."Zach (Much louder) "Mommy it hurts weally weally bad! Make it go away."Sheila "It's OK, it will be better in a little bit."Zach "I want to go to my doctor."Sheila "I know baby, the medicine will help you."Zach "Owewee, it hurts, it hurts. Make it go away."By now I have went to go check out my little man. He is laying on the couch and Sheila is rubbing his leg and he is screaming at this point. I reach down and push his hair back and talk to him.Me "Hey buddy, it is going to be OK."Zach "Daddy make it go away."Me "I wish I could Big Guy, it will be better in just a little while."Sheila looks at me and says she can handle it for me to go back to bed. I go and get back into bed and listen to the whole thing again. I felt so sorry for my little man. Growing pains hurt like the devil. I was wishing there was something I could do for him but I knew all me and Sheila could do is be there for him and comfort him.So there I am laying in bed somewhere in that state where you are just about asleep but not quite and your mind is racing about stuff. Let me ask you guys a question. Do any of you have a place in your mind where you meet with Jesus? You know, a happy place. Not a happy place like in the movie "Happy Gilmore", there where no little people on tri-cycles in my happy place. Sorry but that just cracks me up. Alright back to being serious. What was the question, oh yeah, do you have a place in your mind where you go to meet Jesus? Are you bowing before Him when you are talking to him? Are you sitting beside Him in Heaven? My place is in the woods by a running stream. Me and Jesus sitting on the ground, me talking and Him listening, like a couple of old friends.Last night I had such a dream. I was saying a quick prayer for Zach, when I found myself in that familiar setting in the woods with my Lord.Me "Lord, it hurts really really bad."Jesus "I know it does."Me "Lord, all these trials and problems I have been going through these past few years. My heart, my body they hurt. I can't take it much more."Jesus "I know, it is only for a short time. It won't be long, before you know it you will be home with me. Until then, I promise I won't give you more than you can handle."Me "LORD, I can't handle much more."Jesus "Oh Joe, if you only knew. You can handle so much, just rely on Me."Just then there is someone kneeling in front of me brushing the hair out of my eyes and wiping the tears and asks what's wrong.Jesus "Dad, Joe is going through some problems right now. I can't take them from him but I can be here for him and comfort him."God "Look here my son, I know We allow trials in your life but I promise you will be a better man for it. We promise we won't allow more than you can handle."That is where I left it, me, God and Jesus sitting there, Them comforting me. I finally fell asleep. This morning I woke up and you know how you kind of remember you had a dream and you try to recall the whole thing? This dream, I remembered the whole thing. During my quite time I asked Jesus to give me the words to write on this post, then I started thinking about another situation where a person was going through some pain.Jesus "Father, this really really hurts."God "I know my Son but it will be over very soon and then You will be home with Me."Jesus "Father, I can't handle much more of this."God "Oh My Son, You can handle so much. Me and the angels are here for support."Jesus "Is there any other way?"God "No my Son, you have to go through this. It is the only way the human race can get to me. But I promise I will not give You more than You Can handle.After looking at it like this, my problems don't seem as bad. Jesus died for all of us. He did it so we would not have to face a sinner's hell. Death is a whole lot worse than a little health problem or money problem that I can ever face.Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big your God is.God bless, Joe

The fast and furious average benchmarming Joe's

2009-08-29T14:19:00.003-05:00

I need some help. I have been talked into coaching my son's little league baseball fall team. The problem I am having is naming the team. I have narrowed it down to three names.

1. Average Joe's (My favorite.)
2. Benchwarmers
3. Fast and Furious

Any thoughts? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Barney gone to the big city.

2009-08-10T10:14:00.002-05:00

Please click on the title to go to a video of North Metro Church in Atlanta. The first part of this video is a song sung by Allen Brown, a guy who works with me. He is not to bad of a singer for a parts counter man. Or maybe he is not a bad parts counter guy to be a singer. Oh well, hope you like it!

Oh yeah there is a sad back story to them being asked to come sing this particular song. The weekend before the group was asked to sing this song the church had a tragedy. One of their Sunday school teachers passed away with a heart attach WHILE teaching Sunday school. This song fits so well.

Remember, Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!

I told you I would be back.

2009-03-19T06:10:00.002-05:00

Well tomorrow is a big day. For the first time there will be a teenager living in my house. The man-child Hunter will be turning thirteen tomorrow. You would never guess that he is only thirteen by looking at him, he is a beast. He is huge, people keep asking me who his real dad is. I tell them I wish I knew so then he could help with the grocery bills. Just kidding, if you put my baby picture beside his baby picture you can not tell them apart. So yes he is mine. I just wish he would stop growing, he can beat me up now!

Well Happy Birthday to my first born. Hunter, Love ya Man!

PS. Hunter if you do not like the present you don't have to wail on me we will just take it back and get something else. lol

Long time

2009-02-17T11:53:00.003-05:00

Yes Sportfans I am still alive. Not that many people care but I am still here. I hope to start posting again real soon. It has been tough with a 12 year old who is bigger than me (size 14 mens shoe) and wants to do everything under the sun. From sports to anything outdoors to video games and now let's add in girls. I also have a 7 year old who thinks he is older than me. He TRIES to tell me and his mom what to do. But I pretty much nip that real quick. At least there are no girls yet. My hands have been full. Hope every one has been doing well. Talk to ya'll later. Joe

2007-01-22T07:34:00.000-05:00

I took the boys camping this weekend. This is little mans first time camping, in a tent, without mama, just the guys. We had a great time. My friend David invited us to a church sponsored cookout. It was basically a wild game dinner. They had anything from rattlesnake to alligator to opossum to rabbit to mountain oysters -yummy. I stepped up to the plate and went wild, I had the wild yard bird, AKA chicken and ham and those wild free ranging baked beans were surprisingly very good. Hunter, my oldest went a little wild himself trying the alligator and the rabbit. I think he liked the rabbit he went back three times for it.

This was truly a guys weekend, not only did they have wild game but they had all kinds of shooting events. From skeet shooting to pistol competitions to a turkey shoot. All very well managed and lots of safety rules. Hunter on his first try killed one of those skeets, it won't be bothering any one any more. (For those of you who do not know what a skeet is it is just a round clay object thrown in the air by a machine. ) I even let Zach take a turn, actually I was the one holding the shotgun he just pulled the trigger.

Halfway through the weekend I figured out what the whole deal was about. It wasn't the eating or the games it was about the fellowship. I spoke to one guy who looked like Grizzly Adams, he had just finished taking his turn at the turkey shoot. He said that he loved being there getting to be in the competition but it was being around people who believed the same things he believed in that was so cool. He was right, it was cool. I guess that is why we need to go to church. We need people around us who believe the same as we do so that when the devil is trying to knock us down we have friends who can help us stand back up again.

Anyway, I hope yall had a great weekend.
God bless, Joe

Free TV

2007-01-09T07:28:00.000-05:00

OK OK, I get it! I owe you a post. First of all thanks to the three people who have said they wanted to see a post from me. I guess there are some people out there who want to read stuff from an self-proclaimed idiot.
First of all, for the first time in a long time things are finally going my way. I don't want to jinx anything but life is good right now. After forty one years on this planet I finally got my big screen TV. So you know where I have been sitting for the past few months and it has not been in front of my computer. High Def is where it is at! I wasn't going to tell you this story but I may as well since I have not written anything in a long time.
I got a promotion at work last month, a raise and a company vehicle. So the first thing I thought was I can take my old car and sell it and buy the TV I have always wanted and it won't cost me anything. WRONG, this is where my wife enters the story. I found a 50" DLP, HD Samsung for a ridiculously low price. I am thinking to myself, "Joe, you are such a smart guy." Then my wife tells me we need a TV stand to display this behemoth. Our old TV stand would only handle a 36" TV. We looked around and all we could find was contemporary type stuff, black laminate with glass. Not my wife's style. Finally she tells me she found the TV stand but it is not a TV stand but an entertainment center. IT COST MORE THAN THE TV! I thought OK, I can live with it, it makes my TV look even better. And besides we have never bought anything like that to put into our living room, plus I got a raise we can afford it. Then she informs me that this entertainment center does not match our old living room furniture. OH GREAT, now I have to buy a new couch. Twice as much as my new TV. So now my new "free" TV ended up costing me three times what I wanted to pay. I guess all I can say id Merry Christmas to me (for the next three years.)
Here is a picture, tell me what you think.

Yes I am still here.

2006-11-08T14:42:00.000-05:00

I know a lot of you are saying, "We didn't even notice you where gone." Well I was. And I still may be a little lax on posting for the next couple of months. When I get some time I will post on all that has been happening and why I have failed at my posting duties. I will give you a little taste.

1. Bought a house.
2. Coaching my son's football team. (twice a week)
3. Playing softball on my church coed team. (once a week sometimes twice a week)
4. Work! Need I say more?
5. Deer season is in and my oldest son doesn't want to miss any opportunity to be in the woods. (I make an awesome batch of deer jerky.)
6. I have been promoted at work and I will soon be commuting 1 hour and 20 minutes to and from work for the next little while.

Anyway I will post in full detail about what has been going on.
Joe B

Back from the 80s

2006-09-22T06:09:00.000-05:00

Well as many of you know I have had a fun filled summer. Working 12 to 13 hours a day, playing softball of two different teams, coaching my son's football team, trying to get all of my ducks in a row so we can buy a house and did I mention working 12 to 13 hours a day? Some times I just want to find this guy who is in the picture and take him up on his offer. Go back to my highschool days, back to the 80s! I think my wife sent me this email to determine if you are a person of the 80's. I remember most of these. So what are your favorites?

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton.

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom

8. Two words: Hammer Pants

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen. And still know the turtle’s names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)

21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. Don't worry, be happy

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)

46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

55. You just sang those words to yourself.

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

58. You remember when mullets were cool!

59. You had a mullet!

60. You still sing "We are the World"

61. You tight rolled your jeans.

62. You owned a banana clip.

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!

67. You get it when some say's, "Who you gonna call?" and you respond with, "Ghost Busters!"

Some of these I don't get but my top ten are 8,12,22,29,37,54,55,56,58 and 59. Sike!

Ya'll have a great day.

Joe B

Wordless Wednesday

2006-09-05T18:44:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, this is suppose to be Wordless Wednesday but I had to explain. I will not mention any names but this is a picture of one of our favorite bloggers. We will just call him "Captain." Tennille is somewhere close, I am sure.

Wordless Wednesday

2006-08-23T08:38:00.000-05:00

I know this is Wordless Wednesday but I just have to know, are you having one of these days? Weeks? Months? Years? For me it is the last one. I am having one of those years, busy all the time. Slacking on my duties at home, with my family, at church, MY BLOG, all because of my job. It is killing me. Not so much as what I do but there are some days I do not know which end is up. I run on tangents all day long. Well at least I am not doing the same thing everyday, all day long.

God bless, Joe

Wordless Wedensday

2006-08-16T08:17:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wedensday

2006-08-09T06:18:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wedensday (Second in the series)

2006-08-02T06:22:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wedensday (Look close)

2006-07-26T05:28:00.000-05:00

Once a week dose of "Good News!"

2006-07-24T06:08:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you would consider this good news or not but I liked it. I have been in the Atlanta airport and have seen this sort of thing happen. I went to Snopes.com to see if this story was true and as of right now it is under investigation.

Last week I was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest act's of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camo's, as they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering. When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal. Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said "hi," the little girl then she asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her. The young soldier, he didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up. When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, "I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you" He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying "your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon."

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event unfolded. As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, their were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

See there are still good things happening out there. I hope you enjoyed the story.

God bless, Joe B

Wordless Wedensday

2006-07-19T05:37:00.000-05:00

I know that this is Wordless Wedensday but I just have to say...they ain't mine!

Your once a week dose of "Good News!"

2006-07-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

Alright I told you I was going to start posting Good News. Well a friend of mine told me they had posted this video on our church's web site, they played this video at church a few months back and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. But they were tears of joy! To find out what I am talking about please go HERE and see Noah's story. It is about a 10 minute long video but I promise you it will be well worth the watch. If you are one of those poor unfortunate souls who has dial-up, I think I would still try to down load it, it is an awesome story.

I know there is a good way to sign off here like a cool anchor man. I think the muppets used to do one like, "There's no news like good news!" Didn't Chevy Chase used to sign off Saturday Night Live news deal by saying, "Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow?" Anyway, I will have to try to come up with some kind of catchy sign off phrase for the "Good News Weekly" section of my blog. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

God bless,
Joe B

Wordless Wedensday (All Star Break)

2006-07-11T23:03:00.000-05:00

Good News!

2006-06-26T20:06:00.000-05:00

I am tired of hearing about all the bad news going on in the world, it depresses me. I mean I know bad things happen but why does everyone always dwell on such things. Why isn't there a TV new channel that shares only good news. I am sure there is such I thing on TV but I have yet to see it .

Anyway, I have always been told if you have a problem don't complain about it, do something about it. So I have had an idea, I have been thinking about something and I wanted your opinion. My friend, Present Storm does this thing called Wordless Wednesday. That is where you post a picture and that is all, just let people comment about it. Then there is Thursday Thirteen. You tell thirteen things about a certain subject. My idea is to have a day set aside where you post about something good that has happened to you, or a friend or something that was just plain good that week. I know we do that now, that whenever something good happens we post about it. But what about the little things, the things that you would just let go and not think about it twice. On second thought maybe this is a stupid idea. I thought about calling it Super News Sunday or Marvelous News Monday, I don't know I am not good at coming up with cool phrases. Like I said, maybe it was a stupid idea.

Anyway, I am going to start with this little thing that almost went right over my head. I was at my co-ed softball game last week and the pitcher from my team asked if I had had a chance to look at his new blog. I told him I glanced at it briefly but I was going to look at it more closely when I had a chance. He told me I really needed to check it out because it was because of me and my blog that he start blogging. I took me a day or two to realize what he had said. It was because of my blog he started blogging. I always wondered if my blog ever encouraged anyone. I am not bragging by no means, I am just glad God saw fit to use my blog as an encouragement to someone. So if you get a chance go see my buddy David's blog and tell him I sent you.

I have some really good news I wanted to save for last. My brother took a few kids to summer camp this past week and three of them got saved! One of them was my sister's son, Korey. How cool is that! Good news, good news, good news!!!

So there is my first Super News Sunday or is it Marelous News Monday, posted on Tuesday because tomorrow is Wordless Wednesday and I have nothing for Thirteen Thursday.

Joe B

Wordless Wedensday

2006-06-21T09:13:00.000-05:00

Twenty Years and still going strong.

2006-06-15T15:09:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was mine and my wife's 20th wedding anniversary. I was sitting on the couch kind of reminiscing, when the wife asked why I was so sad, I should be celebrating, we have been together for twenty years. "I was just thinking back to what your dad said the day I asked him if I could marry you. He said would rather have me put in jail for 20 years than us get married. Just think I would be a free man today if he had done what he said he would do." (Old joke, I know but she hasn't heard it.) She promptly said, "He didn't say that." Then she realized I was joking and smacked me.

Thus our relationship in a nutshell. I say something stupid and she just pretty much ignores it and considers "the source" of the stupid comment. So I guess you could say that she is the reason we have been together for all these years because if she were to take everything I say seriously we would have not stay together for twenty days let alone twenty years.

So here's to you my lovely wife and I hope we have another twenty years to add to these twenty. I love you.

I hope everyone is having a great day,
Joe B

Some guys can't dance.

2006-06-09T07:30:00.000-05:00

How many of you have ever seen the Nextel commercial where there are three guys in an office dancing to some 80's hip hop? If you have net seen it you can check it out here. It is one of the funniest commercials I have seen in a long time.

Well the reason I ask this question is because we did another promo video for our youth group. It is a parody of this commercial. You can go to our youth website. Click on the enter button and scroll down. It is the video titled DNOW Dancers. If you want a quick laugh check these out.

Have a great day.

God bless, Joe B

PS If you want to see one of the best Napoleon Dynamite impersonations you can check out the other video we have posted on the youth website.

*********UPDATE*********

The fat guy sitting on the desk turning the music on and off is "Yours Truly". The title of this post is kind of deceiving, I have won my share of roller disco contests in my time. So I guess I can dance, that is if you want to call roller disco, dancing.

Kids and prayers.

2006-06-01T06:52:00.000-05:00

I love reading things that little kids say, you never know what is going to come out of their mouths. My buddy Dave sent this to me today and I thought I would share it with you. These are comments about prayers. I love the first one. Enjoy!

UNANSWERED PRAYER?
The preachers 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why." Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.________________________________

BEING THANKFUL
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"____________________________________

EXPRESS PRAYER
Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter, and other special occasions; when he, typically, said a long prayer over the food. One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather (to our son's surprise) asked for a very brief blessing on the food. With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his grandfather and said, "You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you Grandpa?"_____________________________________

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!"___________________________________

TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. "Yes sir," the boy replied."And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked."No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime." ______________________________________

BEWARE OF TRASH
One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our 'trash baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." _____________________________________

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?
When my daughter, Kelli, was 3, she and my son, Jay,would say their nightly prayers, together. As most children do, we have to bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men'!" __________________________________-

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away."Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house." "Sure, at our house," Johnny explained. "But this is grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

Have a great day!
Joe B

DEER!

2006-05-22T13:14:00.000-05:00

One thing my sons and I love to do is ride a few miles down the road right before dark to try to see any deer or other wildlife that are roaming around. There are some evenings we just can not do it. For whatever the reason may be, the weather is bad, our schedule won't allow it or the deer just are not moving. I have finally found a solution.

There is a company located in southwest Georgia that sells cameras and you can view the video feed from a PC. They have a website where they have four of these cameras set-up on their farm and there is a live feed that updates every ten seconds. So you can actually watch this picture live on screen and if you are lucky you may see some wildlife. So far we have seen some raccoons, buzzards, and a bunch of deer. My oldest son loves it! He asks if we can leave the computer on overnight so that he can check it first thing when he wakes up. It is kind of like Christmas, you never know what you are going to see when you open up the website. If you get a chance check it out, just click here and then go to "Animal Cam". Most of the time there is nothing to see except for beautiful Georgia woodlands. But be ready for that time when the deer appear right before your eyes. It is too cool.

God bless, Joe

My wife is as pretty as McDonald's.

2006-05-11T20:13:00.000-05:00

There are thousands of them out there, you know internet jokes about teachers asking their kids questions that everyone knows the answers to, except the kids. Like the one where the kids are give the first part of an old saying and they have to finish it. For example, teacher -
A penny saved is... Student - Not much. You can lead a horse to water...But how. These are the only ones I can remember.

Anyway, when I get home from work today my wife, beaming with pride, hands me a sheet of paper to read. She said, "Read this it is what your youngest son wrote about me today." (Actually the teacher wrote it, he just told he what to write.) I thought some of the answers are down right funny so I thought I would share.

My Mom is Special!!
(I will put Zach's response in red, remember he is only four. )

My Mom's name is: It starts with M. I guess he was thinking Mom and not Sheila.

She is special because: She goes to Disney World.

I like it when my mom: Plays with me.

My mom can do many things! I think she's best at: her work. Just for the record my wife's job is a homemaker, I guess that is what he is talking about.

My mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by: playing with her.

My mom is pretty as: McDonald's. I will be nice about this one but let me just say I have a million comments about this one but I want to live to see my forty first birthday.

My Mom is smart! She even knows: How to do everything. Now you see this one is true, just ask my wife she will tell you she knows everything. hehe See, now I am going to get smacked for that comment.

I'd like to tell my Mom: I want to see Thomas. Thomas the Tank Engine. This kid just LOVES trains.

I hope yall enjoyed this as much as I did. Except for the smack in the back of the head. One day I am going to learn to keep my mouth shut. You would think my wife would be used to it after twenty years of marriage. Oh well I hope yall have a great Mother's Day.

God bless, Joe B

PS. My wife REALLY is as pretty as McDonald's.

Accident prone

2006-05-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

My youngest son Zach broke his arm last week, the second time in two years. The first time he broke his arm was at the park when he fell off the monkey bars. Last week we are not sure how he did it, he was playing in the play area at McDonalds. My wife was on one side of the area and he was on the other. He came to her screaming that he had fell down and his arm hurt. It was not swollen but it did have a red mark on it. Long story short, he broke it in two places. Now I tell you all of this because I think he is following in his father's footsteps. I get hurt at the drop of a hat. Let me give you just a quick account of my accident prone life.

Five years old - I was going down a steep hill on my bike when I hit a some lose stones at the bottom. All I remember was crashing and asking my friend to bring my bike home. When I got home my mom was asleep on the couch, I told her I had a wreck and she said to go clean myself up. (She was not quite awake when I told her.) An hour later when she really did wake up, she screamed, "What in the world happened to you?" She took me out to the sink and commenced to cleaning my wounds. She scrubbed my face and small pebbles were falling into the sink, I did not do a good job of cleaning myself up. Final tally, three scars across my toes (I still have them but I do not remember how, I thought I was wearing shoes), one sprained wrist, and a face that only a mother could love.

16 years old - Sprained my ankle so badly I would have been better off breaking it. I was playing basketball on my high school varsity team. Went up for a rebound and came down on the side of my foot, all I heard was a big pop. Stupid me talked my coach into letting me go back out and I popped it again!

18 years old - playing softball I ran into a guy and hit his elbow with my face. 17 stitches in my lip. The bad thing was it was supposed to be mine and Sheila's first date. She was at the emergency room when I came out. Boy was I embarrassed. My lip was the size of Texas. I tried to keep my head turned the other way when I spoke to her. Needless to say, no good night kiss on the first date.

20 - 30 years old - more stitches than you can shake a stick at. Mainly on my hands while at work.

24 years old - broke the tips of my two middle fingers on my right hand, playing softball again. It was just a bad hop , what can I say.

32 years old - cut off about a half an inch of my left hand ring finger. Actually I smashed it off when I dropped a heavy part from a bulldozer on it. Did not really hurt too bad. Maybe someday I will do a whole story on that. It is a good one.

37 years old - I went to the high school rafting trip. When we got to the slow part of the river we were allowed to get into the water and cool off. I did a back flip out of the boat and cracked my elbow on an unseen boulder that was under the water. I cracked the bone and had a one inch gash in my elbow.

38 years old - while playing football with a group of guys at Disciple Now I ripped my calf muscle. No real story here, I just did not loosen up before playing and I payed the price.

Last night while playing softball for the men's church league. I got hit in the inside of my ankle (the one I messed up playing basketball in high school.) Woke up this morning and almost fell on my face. I did not realize I hurt it so bad. I have been hit with many a softball but this one was in the perfect place to render me helpless. I missed my first day of work in a long time.

Anyway, just a few highlights of my accident prone life. The reason I am telling yall this is not for sympathy it is for concern. My youngest has already broken his arm twice. I am wondering if he is in for a life of accidents just like his old man. I mean don't get me wrong, I have learned a lot for my accidents. Loosen up the old muscles before playing ANY sport. Never do a back flip out of the boat if you do not know what is under the water. Always use your glove and not your bare hands when catching a softball. Always use a forklift when picking up heavy parts. NEVER EVER let you mom clean you up after and accident it will hurt worse than the accident itself.

But I think the most important lesson I have learned is that when you start getting too busy and you do not heed the signs that God is giving you to slow down, He will allow something to happen to make you slow down. Maybe you are traveling to much, He may allow for your car to break down. Maybe you are going out to much, He may allow you to lose some money. Maybe He will open a door so that you can go on an unexpected vacation. This happened to me last year. Maybe you are just way too busy doing nothing, as in my case, and He may allow a little accident to slow you down so you can take a break. That is just my thought, what do you think? Do you believe God will allow things to happen to you to give you a break from your everyday business?

God bless, Joe

"Weekend Update" with Joe B

2006-04-26T05:57:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was our annual Disciple Now weekend and what a great weekend it was. I can not tell you everything we did but I can give you some numbers for the weekend. Keep in mind this is just for my group.

1 Game of Butt. This is where you get into a circle with a group of people and you have to keep a soccer ball in there air without using your hands. If you use your hands, miss the ball when it comes to you or you are hit with the ball you get a letter. B-U-T-T, kind of like horse in basketball. The only thing is if you are the first one to get all four letters you have to stand against a wall with your back towards your buddies and they get one chance to kick the ball at you, in the butt, hense the name. (Look, I do not make up the games, I just play them.) FYI - everyone missed the guy standing against the wall and no it was not me.

1 Tackle football game. I mention this because every year someone in my group gets hurt and it is normally me. I let these guys start off with a tackle football game. I figured if we are going to get hurt let us go ahead and get it over with.

2 Pair of sweaty boxers. The number of boxers that made their way into my pillow case without me knowing about them, at least until I went to bed.

4,537.6 cans of soda. I may be exaggerating a little but I think I am pretty close with this number.

2 Leaders. I was blessed this year; I actually was assigned a co-leader this year. This made my job so much easier. Alex is a new Christian, on fire for God and willing to do just about anything. He did very well even though it was his first time teaching at D-Now.

75 Laps on the go cart slick track at Dixieland Fun Park. I mention this because I feel like I had a target on my go-cart. I am sorer from riding or should I say bumping go-carts than I was from playing football. They kept saying something like, Bumping is racing. After about 45 laps I started getting the picture and put a few people into the wall, only in self defense, I am sure you understand. Let me make one suggestion, never have your keys in your pocket when you are racing on the slick track. Your leg will be sore for days especially when you get slammed from the side and the seat beats the keys into your leg. Not Good!

11 Tenth grade boys. I am a glutton for punishment.

7 Lessons from Gods Word. We did 2 lessons Friday night, 2 Saturday morning. We had one big blow out Saturday night and when we got back to our host home we sat and shared about the evening events. It ended with a final lesson during Sunday school.

7 The place I came in laser tag. If you seen these guys play you would understand why I am proud to have come in seventh place. They were out for blood. 7th place out of 20, not to shabby.

427 The number of times Jimmy (Being Gods) has been put on probation because of D-Now.

0 The number of times Joe B has been put on probation because of D-Now. That is enough said about that one. (This does not include the amount of times I have been on double-secrect probation. Since it was double-secrect, I did not know about it.)

2 Decisions to live a better life with Gods help. This was the best part of the whole weekend. I will not get into it much because the one guy spoke to me in confidence and I told him I would keep it between us and God. But he and his buddy had been doing some things they should not be doing and both of them said they are going to do better with Gods help. This is what the whole weekend was about.

1 warn-out old man who is glad that God would allow him to be used in the shaping of a young persons life.

I hope yall have a great week, I am going to try to catch up on my sleep.

God bless, Joe B

2006-04-21T07:52:00.000-05:00

This weekend is a big weekend for me. I am a leader for something our youth group does every year. Disciple Now is a weekend where the students are broken down into small groups then we go spend the weekend at someones house. I get to teach about eleven tenth grade guys. We do all kinds of things from pranks to wedgie wars. For the guys it is just a great guy weekend. We do a lot of fun stuff but our main focus is learning more about our Lord. We as leaders teach for our five lessons durning the weekend, we have a big service on Saturday night and it ends with a big Sunday school lesson. I have seen a lot of lives changed over the past years during this weekend. That is why I am so excited!

Anyway last night while I was studing, I prayed to God that He would give me the words to say and He would encourage all of the leaders throughout the whole weekend. Then I got this email from one of my buddies on my church co-ed softball team. It is just a little email letting me know God is with me and that I can find encouragement in even the smallest email.

This is what I got this morning. I hope you enjoy it.

Whispers

The man whispered, "God, speak to me."
And a meadowlark sang.
But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, "God, speak to me"
And the thunder rolled across the sky.
But, the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you."
And a star shined brightly.
But the man did not see.

And, the man shouted, "God show me a miracle."
And, a life was born.
But, the man did not notice.

So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man.
But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us
in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... even in our electronic age. So I would like to add one more:

The man cried,
"God, I need your help!"
And an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.
But, the man deleted it and continued crying.

Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect. My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you.

Won't you please pass this to people you want to be blessed?

Expect the unexpected...

Have A Happy Day!

Thanks Dave for the word of encouragement (unlike the man in the story - I do see the blessing, even in an email) and I hope each of you found something in this as well.

Hope ya'll have a great weekend, I know I will.
God bless,
Joe B

It's pool time!

2006-04-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

My boys have been on me hard about putting up our pool, so last night I started getting it ready. I wish I had a set-up like the guy in the picture. This guy is a genius, I wish I could come up with stuff like this. It is a little cool in Atlanta right now but not cool enough to do what this guy is doing. I may try to do it this fall, that way we can use the pool all year round. If someone could patent this they could be millionaires. He ought to put something together and go on that show "American Inventors."

Good bless,
Joe B.

Easter Crosses

2006-04-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

The other day while going through one of my email lists I found this, then I saw it over at Not1Jot's blog. Since it is Easter I thought this was just the right time to share it too. It is so cool how God does the little things, things we take for granted.

God bless, and Happy Easter,
Joe B

My buddy Rick.

2006-04-04T06:29:00.000-05:00

I was going through my emails today when I came across a folder of emails that a friend had sent to me. This friend past away last year and I sure do miss him. So in memory of my good buddy Rick here is one of the emails he sent to me.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the ! old man shouted ............

>>>> "COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

Rick always did make me laugh.

God bless, Joe

My dad looks like Homer, honest.

2006-03-28T07:03:00.000-05:00

Everyone one says I get my sense of humor from my mom but I think I have to disagree. My dad has one of these quiet, sneaky kind of sense of humor. He will say something right of the top of his head that will just have you on the floor laughing. Of course he is getting a little older and a little slower but his wit is just as sharp. I think he is the one who has influenced my sense of humor the most in my life. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I got a lot of laughs for the girls growing up but I also got into a lot of trouble with my teachers. I used to get into a lot of trouble with my wife but now she just shrugs her shoulders and ignores me. Thanks dad.

Anyway, I don't think I have ever told you guys about my dad. He is a great guy. Quiet, until you get to know him. Would do anything in the world for anyone. The only problem, no disrespect intended, HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HOMER SIMPSON. I am telling you the truth, just like him. And since I used to get into trouble a lot, I guess you could say I am a little like Bart. We are Bart and Homer! That is what scares me and that is why I posted this picture. Maybe since I got my humor from my dad, I will get my looks from my mom and my brother will grow up to look like my Homer, a.k.a. dad. Hehe, I have got it all figured out.

Have a great day and God bless, Joe B

Another video

2006-03-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I do not know if you guys liked my last video or not. I only had a few comments about it. But I have one more for you and yes I am in this one too. I actually like being behind the scenes but we had a little technical difficulties and had to shoot the opening scene again. The guy who we used for the first scene could not come back and do it again so I was the lucky one to take his place.

This is probably my favorite video we have ever done. It is funny AND it has a message. I know when we have a good idea for a video because God gives us an idea and it just seems to go so smoothly. This is one such video. Our youth pastor said the high school retreat was going to be call "A Reflective Life." God put the idea for this video in my head as soon as he said the name of the retreat. Some one had just given me a bedroom suit and it came with this big mirror. It was like it was all planned out for us. It is so cool how God works!

Anyway, Josh over at Youth Group videoes. com has put this video up on his website for all to see. Go by and check it out. It is the video called A Reflective Life. If you are a person who will cry at the drop of a hat you may want some tissues. I hope ya'll will like it.

God bless, Joe

Pay a quarter and see the freak behind the curtain.

2006-03-10T20:05:00.000-05:00

A few of you have asked why I have not posted a picture of myself, well I didn't think anyone wanted to see an overweight southern country boy. But if you must, you can go here, click on the enter button then go to the bottom of the page that comes up. Click on the video "Messy Crazy Stuff - High School Rock." I actually hate being in front of a video camera but I love making videos for our youth group. Here is a video we just made to promote our messy crazy stuff for our Wednesday night high school Bible study. Be ready, I talk like a hick and I am goofy looking. I am the guy in the red shirt. I don't want any of you hollering, "Hey Coolaid" after you watch the video either.

Once you get past all of that, let me know what you think about our video. You need to check it out quick, I do not know how long they are going to keep the video up on the website.

God bless, Joe B

There's no crying in baseball.

2006-03-09T07:19:00.000-05:00

I love baseball! I enjoy going to the ball park with my family, seeing the sights, smelling the smells, eating the twenty-eight dollar hotdogs. (I said I like eating them not paying for them.)

But the other day I heard something on the radio and I was wondering if ya'll could help me understand it. They were talking about Barry Bonds and his alleged steroid use. One guy said even if Barry did use steroids it was not against baseball rules, at the time. However the United States had made it illegal to use as an enhancement drug. Here is my question. If it is illegal, does it matter if it is a rule or not? Isn't it like saying to a baseball player, "Hey you just robbed that bank." "Yeah but there is no rule about it in the baseball handbook, so it is OK."

I may be stretching this a bit but that kind of thinking is almost like saying, "I know the Bible is law but our church has no rule about that situation. So it is OK to do it." Am I wrong or am I making a a big deal out of a dumb situation? Just wondering.

God bless, Joe B

Moving

2006-03-06T06:30:00.000-05:00

First of all I want to start out by apologizing for falling behind in my blogging duties. Not that some of you care but there are a few people out there who do like to see what the Idiot is going to do next.

Anyway, there is a good reason why I have not been blogging a lot lately. I have been moving! Here is a picture of my new house. Big deal? For me, yeah I guess it is a big deal. Why the big deal you may ask? Because I ran into some problems with the last house I bought and I guess I am a little gun shy about buying houses right now.

I should be back to normal blogging activities shortly. Until then, I hope you all are doing well.

God bless, Joe

Prayer requests

2006-03-01T06:27:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone just a short note to let ya'll know that I am working on a post which is kind of long so it is taking me a couple of days to write. Stay tuned I will be posting it with in the next few days. In the meantime I need a favor. Please visit a couple blog spots and drop a line of encouragement to a few of my friends.

Jimmy over at Being God's is having a rough time. Please just drop him a line of encouragement. Jimmy is a very good friend of mine and I HATE to see friends hurting.

Stormi over at Present Storm is going to have some surgery. Please pray for her and her husband, Guppy, as they both go through this trial in their lives. Please drop by and give them a word of encouragement too.

While you are dropping a line of encouragement to these people please say a little prayer for them too. I am sure they would greatly appreciate it.

I am sorry if I missed anyone. Please let me know if you need some prayers on anything. I will make sure to add you to my Sunday school prayer list and I will make it a point to say a little prayer for you to.

God bless, Joe

Try this...

2006-02-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

Until I get a chance to post a regular post, try this. My highest is a little over 20 seconds. It will drive you crazy.
Have fun,
Joe

2006-02-14T14:25:00.000-05:00

Lately my blog has seemed to turn into a daddy blog. But do you know what, I don't care. God has given me such a wonderful gift. My wife and I were not supposed to have kids, now I have two boys. I have always heard not in my time but God's time. That is certainly the case with my kids. We tried and tried to have kids but it was not ment to be. When we finally quit trying and bought a dog that is when God said OK you asked for it you got it.

Anyway, my buddy Tim and I used to do a lot of business traveling together and after a day or two on the road would start talking about our kids. He is as crazy about his kids as I am about mine. He sent this little tidbit to me and with a note saying I thought this might go good on your blog. Well, you know what, he was right. So I thought I would pass it on.

I think I will add a few of my own to this list (I'll do it in red), please feel free to add also.

The Price of Children (Author Unknown)

This is just too good not to pass on to all. This is something absolutely positive for a change. I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice!

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from
birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family.
Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down.

It translates into:
*$8,896.66 a year, * $741.38 a month, or * $171.08 a week. * That's a mere $24.24 a day! * Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich". Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.
*looking for ice cream trees on the side of the road..."You can't eat them because they have green stuff on them." (What do you expect from a four year old with a huge imagination.)
*rough house..."Dad, do you want a piece of me?" "No son." "Alright then here it comes." No matter your response you always get "a piece of him" and being four years old you had better cover any part of your anatomy you do not want punched, pinched or jumped upon.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoons,
* going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
*You can hunt a little longer because now your son is old enough to go with you.
*You have someone to blame if something gets broke.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
*Getting the surround sound system hooked up so the little ones can watch Sponge Bob at 2000 decibels.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
*first diaper change
* first step,
* first word,
*first "I love you daddy."
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grand children. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, So one day they will like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

Pretty interesting. Hope you enjoyed the information.

God bless, Joe

Heads or tails?

2006-02-06T08:27:00.000-05:00

I guess it is possible but I have my doubts. Can you toss a coin up into the air and have it come down into your throat, where you proceed to swallow it?

I was sitting in the computer room the other night when my oldest son came running into the the kitchen making some sort of coughing noise and half crying at the same time. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had swallowed a quarter. I freaked, "How in the world did you do that? Don't you know you don't put money in you mouth." He said he didn't have money in his mouth rather he was flipping the coin into the air and in went into his mouth. That's when I proceeded to tell him to quit lying to me. He said he was not lying that that is really how it happened. I put my anger on hold for a minute and started wondering what my next course of action was going to be.

Is swallowing a quarter dangerous? Will it get stuck somewhere? Will we have to have emergency surgery? Can I stand him on his head in hopes that it may come back out? Either way, will it hurt when it comes out? Will he want it when it comes out, either way? If it does not come out, will it mess up his insides? If it does not come out and we go on a trip and he has to go through a metal detector, will the security guards believe him when he tells them he was flipping a quarter and it landed in his mouth?

Anyway, while I am freaking out my wife is laughing, SHE THINKS IT IS FUNNY! My son is about to have major surgery to have a quarter removed and she thinks it is funny. I tell her it is not funny and we need to head to the hospital. She tells me to take a pill and calm down. She then gets the church directory and starts calling some nurses we know. After finally reaching one of them this "so called" nurse tells my wife he should be OK just watch him and make sure he passes it without any problems. I tell my wife this nurse does not know what she is talking about and that he is going to have to have a real doctor look at him. Then another lady calls and tells her the same thing. So we wait and so far nothing bad has happened, I don't even know if he has passed the quarter or not.

OK, maybe a get a little worried about things. Things I have no control over. I used to worry a lot more about things I had no control over but I don't do that anymore. I have concerns but not so much worries. I have decided to give my worries to God. The Bible says that God takes care of the birds so why wouldn't He take care of us. I also like Matthew 6:34, it says it all,

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So for today, don't worry be happy. Why? Because God is good! And remember, don't tell God how big your stroms are, tell your storms how big your God is!

God bless, Joe

PS. Thanks for all the prayers while I was sick. I had strep, ear infection and a sinus infection. Not to shabby.

Virus squared.

2006-01-31T18:58:00.000-05:00

I have so much to write about but I can't do it right now. I have been fighting a virus for the past couple of weeks and now my computer has one to. Because of me and my computer being sick, I missed out on my first year anniversary of blogging. (Saturday was one year.) I will just have to post a belated happy anniversary post after I am felling better. I will make this short so I can get back to bed.

My wife finally made me a doctors appointment, why do guys always wait so long to go see a doctor? Anyway, I will post some later this week. I have a few good ones to talk about.

God bless, Joe b

Footprints...A New Version

2006-01-24T11:57:00.000-05:00

I know most of you have read "Footprints". The story of the man walking with our Lord on the beach and the guy notices that when he is going through trials and troubles there is only one set of footprints. When he asks the Lord why he left him in his time of troubles, the Lord replies, "Son, I didn't leave you. That is when I carried you." That story always made me cry. Now there is a new version of the old story. This one doesn't make me cry, it makes me smile! What do you think?

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine, you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the larger footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends. Now you pray: "Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."

"Precisely."

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

"You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
God bless, Joe

Pecans in the Cemetery

2006-01-17T20:05:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank everyone who posted a comment on my last post. I think I got more comments from that post than any other I have posted. I have told you guys many times, I do not consider myself a writer but I found a secret. If you ask God to guide your thoughts while you are writing, you can not go wrong. My last post was definately God. I mean I had some ideas but God is the one who put them all together. I knew that after I had stopped writing for the fourth time because I was about to get emotional. OK, I admit it, I am a cryer. Give me a break, I am old and I am allowed to cry if I want to. So anyway thank you. I am glad that it touched so many people.

So now that I have posted a serious post, I wanted to give you guys a gift. A little joke a friend of mine sent to me. I hope you like it.

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the
fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

That's just funny, I don't care who you are. I hope you liked it as much as I did.

Have a great week and God bless,
Joe

It hurts weally, weally bad.

2006-01-06T09:17:00.000-05:00

Last night my wife and I were woke up at three in the morning by my youngest son screaming. I thought maybe his hand was hurting him because the day before his brother slammed his hand in the van door. My wife must had heard him long before I did because I heard her talking to him.

Zach "Mommy my leg hurts weally weally bad."

Sheila "I know baby."

Zach (Much louder) "Mommy it hurts weally weally bad! Make it go away."

Sheila "It's OK, it will be better in a little bit."

Zach "I want to go to my doctor."

Sheila "I know baby, the medicine will help you."

Zach "Owewee, it hurts, it hurts. Make it go away."

By now I have went to go check out my little man. He is laying on the couch and Sheila is rubbing his leg and he is screaming at this point. I reach down and push his hair back and talk to him.

Me "Hey buddy, it is going to be OK."

Zach "Daddy make it go away."

Me "I wish I could Big Guy, it will be better in just a little while."

Sheila looks at me and says she can handle it for me to go back to bed. I go and get back into bed and listen to the whole thing again. I felt so sorry for my little man. Growing pains hurt like the devil. I was wishing there was something I could do for him but I knew all me and Sheila could do is be there for him and comfort him.

So there I am laying in bed somewhere in that state where you are just about asleep but not quite and your mind is racing about stuff. Let me ask you guys a question. Do any of you have a place in your mind where you meet with Jesus? You know, a happy place. Not a happy place like in the movie "Happy Gilmore", there where no little people on tri-cycles in my happy place. Sorry but that just cracks me up. Alright back to being serious. What was the question, oh yeah, do you have a place in your mind where you go to meet Jesus? Are you bowing before Him when you are talking to him? Are you sitting beside Him in Heaven? My place is in the woods by a running stream. Me and Jesus sitting on the ground, me talking and Him listening, like a couple of old friends.

Last night I had such a dream. I was saying a quick prayer for Zach, when I found myself in that familiar setting in the woods with my Lord.

Me "Lord, it hurts really really bad."

Jesus "I know it does."

Me "Lord, all these trials and problems I have been going through these past few years. My heart, my body they hurt. I can't take it much more."

Jesus "I know, it is only for a short time. It won't be long, before you know it you will be home with me. Until then, I promise I won't give you more than you can handle."

Me "LORD, I can't handle much more."

Jesus "Oh Joe, if you only knew. You can handle so much, just rely on Me."

Just then there is someone kneeling in front of me brushing the hair out of my eyes and wiping the tears and asks what's wrong.

Jesus "Dad, Joe is going through some problems right now. I can't take them from him but I can be here for him and comfort him."

God "Look here my son, I know We allow trials in your life but I promise you will be a better man for it. We promise we won't allow more than you can handle."

That is where I left it, me, God and Jesus sitting there, Them comforting me. I finally fell asleep. This morning I woke up and you know how you kind of remember you had a dream and you try to recall the whole thing? This dream, I remembered the whole thing. During my quite time I asked Jesus to give me the words to write on this post, then I started thinking about another situation where a person was going through some pain.

Jesus "Father, this really really hurts."

God "I know my Son but it will be over very soon and then You will be home with Me."

Jesus "Father, I can't handle much more of this."

God "Oh My Son, You can handle so much. Me and the angels are here for support."

Jesus "Is there any other way?"

God "No my Son, you have to go through this. It is the only way the human race can get to me. But I promise I will not give You more than You Can handle.

After looking at it like this, my problems don't seem as bad. Jesus died for all of us. He did it so we would not have to face a sinner's hell. Death is a whole lot worse than a little health problem or money problem that I can ever face.

Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big your God is.

God bless, Joe

Read your Bible.

2005-12-27T18:51:00.000-05:00

I saw a guy reading his Bible today. "That is wonderful," you might say. And it might have been, except we were both doing 65 MPH down the interstate! (Yes Jimmy, I was doing the speed limit.) Now tell me, am I wrong, isn't there a time and place to read your Bible? I mean you could be reading about Heaven, hit a bridge and be in Heaven all at the same time. Really, if you have to read your Bible while you are driving, are you THAT busy or should you consider taking a time management class? Don't get me wrong, we should all read our Bibles, but while we are driving? What do you think, does doing something good, like reading your Bible, out weigh the doing something wrong, like reading your Bible while driving?
Just wondering,
Joe B

2005-12-25T09:15:00.000-05:00

REMEMBER,

JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE,

FROM THE IDIOT AND HIS FAMILY

Christmas memories anyone?

2005-12-22T20:17:00.000-05:00

What is your oldest Christmas memory? What I mean is, can you remember back to your fourth or fifth Christmas? I was thinking the other day about some of my Christmas childhood memories. One of my favorites was every year the local fire house would open their doors to all the neighborhood kids. They would have Santa, some sort of Christmas movie, drawings for gifts. (I remember winning a box of chocolate covered cherries one time.) It was a pretty neat little affair. I also remember that while me and my brother were at the firehouse, my mom and grandmother and a few other people would be at home making homemade sugar and chocolate-chip cookies. The only thing I did not like about it was my mom would not let us eat any of them. They always had to count every cookie! Which didn't make much sense to me. After all the cooking and counting was finished, THEN we could have a few cookies.

I remember watching Charlie Brown's Christmas, The Grinch who Stole Christmas, Rudolph,
The Little Drummer Boy (my favorite), and Frosty the Snowman. That was pretty much it. No computer generated cartoons. Just the classics. Of course they weren't classics back then.

I remember have a birthday cake with a santa and some reindeer on it. My birth day is Dec. 24.

I remember my mom and dad building a Christmas village under the Christmas tree. It came with everything from a train to houses with lights to a blue mirror that looked like a lake.

I remember me and my brother going up to our room and not being able to sleep. But then, I remember me and him waking up at 4 and trying to wake up our parents, who would promptly tell us to go back to bed and not go down stairs. (I ALWAYS went downstairs and came back up and told my brother what I saw under the tree.) Then we would get up at 5 and do it all over again. Then we would get up at six and try one more time. We wouldn't get up at 7 because mom and dad had tied us to the bed. No wait they never did that. (That's what I do with my kids!) Growing up we didn't have much money but I do remember my parents always made sure we had a great Christmas!

I hope that I do as good a job as my parents did when I was growing up and give my sons wonderful memories like the ones I have. Now it's your turn. Any Christmas memories you would like to share? I would love to hear them.

God bless and Merry Christmas,
Joe B

"That there is an RV...don't be falling it love with it, we are taking it with us when we leave here next month."

2005-12-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

Can you tell I love the Christmas season. Not just because it is the celebration of the birth of my Savior, but all the aspects of it. I love the food (MMMMMM FOOOOOD), I love spending time with friends and family, I love the time off of work (OH YES I DO!), and there is so much more. But the one thing I really look forward to are the movies. I have a list of my favorite Christmas movies. Here are my top nine or ten.

Can you tell me what movie the quote from my title comes from? you Guessed it my number one pick of all time favorite Christmas movies.

NUMBER 1, drum role please...dadadadadadadadadadada

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION

Man you got to love Eddie.

Eddie shows up un expected
Eddie - "Are you surprised Clark?
Clark, "I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up tomorrow with my face sewn to the carpet."

Here are some more of my favorites.

2. Home Alone - "Are you ready to give up or are you thirsty for more?"

3. The Santa Clause - Santa talking to Judy the elf, while drinking her coco. Santa, "You look pretty good for someone your age." Judy, "I'm sorry I am seeing someone in wrapping.

4. Scrooged - Ghost of Christmas Present keeps hitting Bill Murray. He finally has all he can stand. He tells her, "If you touch me again, I'll rip your wings off."

5. A Christmas Story - The dad gets a package with fragile wrote on the side. His comment, "Frageelee, that must be Italian."

6. A Charlie Brown Christmas

7. How The Grinch Stole Christmas - Jim Carey

8. Miracle on 34th street.

9. It's a Wonderful Life

10. A Polar Express

Did I miss any? Are they in the right order? What do you think? Let me know and as aways, Have a Very Merry christmas.

Joe B

Christmas Safety Bulletin #53.

2005-12-16T11:09:00.000-05:00

Make sure your real Christmas tree gets plenty of water.

I ask my son every night if he has made sure there is water for the Christmas tree. He assures me there is plenty of water. So when I saw this picture I just cracked up. Hope you like it.

God bless and Merry Cristmas!

Joe

Check your Christmas IQ!

2005-12-12T08:28:00.000-05:00

Here we go, lets see how many of these question you can answer correctly. One thing, all your answers have to be backed up by the Bible. Tell me how many you got right. I am going to post the answers in the comment section. Good luck!

1. For the journey to Bethlehem, Mary & Joseph...
a) walked.
b) Joseph walked; Mary rode a donkey.
c) rode a bus.
d) Who knows?

2. When Mary became pregnant, Mary & Joseph were...
a) married.
b) just friends.
c) engaged.
d) none of the above.

3. When Mary became pregnant...
a) Joseph married her
b) Joseph wanted to dissolve their relationship.
c) Mary left Nazareth for a while.
d) both b & c.

4. Christmas has always been observed...
a) on December 25th.
b) on January 17th
c) at Grandma's house.
d) none of the above.

5. How many wise men came to see Jesus?_____

6. Who directed Mary & Joseph to go to Bethlehem?
a) Herod
b) an angel
c) Caesar
d) the IRS

7. Just what is a heavenly host?
a) an angelic choir
b) the welcoming angel in heaven
c) an army of angels
d) none of the above

8. How many angels spoke to the shepherds?
a) a multitude
b) two - Gabriel and Michael
c) one
d) Who knows?

9. What song did the angels sing?
a) "O Little Town of Bethlehem"
b) "Joy to the World"
c) "Glory to God in the Highest"
d) none of the above

10. Baby Jesus was born in a...
a) cave
b) manger
c) barn
d) Who knows?

11. Joseph's family was from...
a) Jerusalem
b) Nazareth
c) Bethlehem
d) none of the above

12. What animals where present at Jesus' birth?
a) cows, sheep, and camels
b) cows, sheep, and donkeys
c) lions and tigers and bears (oh my)
d) Who knows?

13. What is a manger anyway?
a) a barn
b) a place for hay
c) a feeding trough
d) a Bible term for the church nursery

14. When did baby Jesus cry?
a) when He opened the wise men's gifts
b) whenever babies usually cry
c) when the cattle started lowing
d) "no crying he makes"

15. Who saw the star over Bethlehem?
a)Mary & Joseph
b) shepherds
c) three kings
d) none of the above

16. What in the world are Magi?
a) Eastern Kings
b) bankers
c) astrologers
d) school teachers

17. When the wise men brought their gifts to Jesus, they found Him in...
a) a manger
b) a house
c) Vacation Bible School
d) none of the above

18. What sign were the shepherds looking for?
a) a star over the stable
b) a barn outlined with Christmas lights
c) a baby in a manger
d) both a & c

19. What did the innkeeper say to Mary & Joseph?
a) "I have a stable out back."
b) "Come back after the holidays."
c) "There's no room in the inn."
d) none of the above

20. In what books of the Bible will you find these fascinating facts?
a) Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
b) Matthew and Luke
c) Mark and Matthew
Matthew, Mark, and Luke

Scoring:

19 - 20 correct - Congratulations! You can separate fact from fiction.

18 - 16 correct - Not bad! Truth wins over tradition.

15 - 11 correct - Uh oh! You've been to too many Christmas plays.

10 or below correct - Ouch!

I hope you had fun and maybe learned a thing or two.

God bless and Merry Christmas,

Joe B

Who started Christmas?

2005-12-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

With all the stuff going around where people are trying to keep Christ out of Christmas, I thought this is a relevant story.

Who Started Christmas?

Author Unknown

A woman was Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of walking down row after row of toys and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the store elevator with her two children in hand. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year, getting that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every house warming, taste all the holiday food and treats, making sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card. Finally the elevator doors opened revealing a crowd in the car. She pushed her way in and dragged her two kids and all her bags of stuff in with her . As the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and blurted out. "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot. From the back of the car, a quiet calm voice responded, "Don't worry, we've already crucified Him."

The rest of the trip down was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all would, just think how much better this world would be.

Jesus IS The Reason For The Season!

I hope you enjoyed the story.

God bless, Joe

Oldie but a goodie.

2005-12-05T14:24:00.000-05:00

Winter hasn't even been here a month and I hate it already. I miss going to play golf with my buddies from church. So here is a little golf joke to get us through till spring. Actually it is going to take more than a little joke to get me through but I thought it was a good start.

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed
that his partner had but one golf ball.

"Don't you have at least one other ball?", he asked.

"Nope, I only need one ball."

"Are you sure? What happens if you lose that one?"

"This is a very special golf ball. You can't lose it, so I don't need
another one."

"What do you mean you can't lose it! What happens if you slice your
shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay, this special golf ball senses when it's under water and
it puts out a steam of bubbles. I'll be able to retrieve it. You can't
lose this ball"

"Well what happens if you hit it into the long rough?"

"No problem, you see, this ball can detect the long grass and it sends
up puffs of fluorescent smoke. I'll be able to see it easily. You
can't lose this ball"

Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the
sun goes down, and you hit your ball deep into the trees and it gets
lost among the bushes and shrubs?. What are you going to do then?"

"That's okay too. You see, this special ball can sense the darkness
and it makes a beeping sound. I'll be able to get it back - no
problem."

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one amazing golf ball, the
friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

"I found it."

If you have read this before, I hope it brought a smile to your face once again. If you haven't read this before, I hope you liked it.

God bless, Joe

Disciple Now Video

2005-11-23T19:04:00.000-05:00

As many of you guys know, I love to make videos. Well my buddy Josh, over at Youth Group Videos. Com has posted another video our youth group did to promote our 2004 Disciple Now program. This is probrably our first video we actually got to use some editing software. I think it turned out pretty good. I mean it's not to shabby for a bunch of non-actors with a old non-digital video camera. Please go by Josh's site and check out our video. It is the one titled, "Disciple Now Promo." Josh has added a spot there to let him know what you think. Please leave a comment there so I can decide if I need to send him some more videos. This video is about 7 minutes long so if you have dial-up, it is going to take a long while before you can view it. Hope you like it. We had a great time making it.

No, I am not in this video, I like doing the behind the scenes things. I sound like a back woods hick when I am in front of the camera. (No offence to any back woods hicks out there.) I do a lot of the writing, directing, editing and filming, so I really don't have time to act.

It is so cool, we have a lot of talented people in our youth group, so if someone comes up with an idea we bounce it off of each other and it turns out so much better. I have to make one confession though, like I told my friend Josh, it is all God who gives us the ideas and abilities. We give Him all the glory.

God bless, Joe

Wedgie free weekend.

2005-11-14T09:53:00.000-05:00

70 hours + 70 high school students + 1 camp + 1 idiot chaperone = 0 wedgies. I take that back, I think there may have been at least one wedgie. There were also a few pranks, the tenth grade boys came into our cabin and duct taped a bunch of our stuff to the ceiling. I have got to admit, it was one of the better pranks I have seen in a long time. I just wish they would have taped some clean underwear to the ceiling instead of the ones they found in the corner. Not a pretty picture. And no, they were not mine. We tried to get them back by bombarding their cabin with water balloons. I was throwing them up high and busting them on the wall and water was showering down on the people below. Great idea....until, until I threw a balloon just as someone opened the front door. I could not do it again if I tried. Water everywhere, all over the inside of the cabin. So I went over there to check it out, just as I walked in I looked up and there was the associate youth pastor. I will spare you with what was said but I don't think I will be invited back to next years high school retreat. Or at the very least I am on double secret probation. Well one good thing, that lets Mr. Jimmy over at Being God's off the hook because he is always the one on secret double probation.

One memorable event was Saturday night. Let me set the stage, we were in a two story cabin. There were six of us down stairs and about 13 or 14 up stairs. We were all settling in for the night and we were whispering, now when I say were were whispering I mean the guys were two feet from me and I could barely hear them, talking about our day. One of the guys was talking about one of the guys upstairs, he was saying how he got shot during the paint ball game. Just then the guy upstairs screams, "You guys quit talking about me." We all looked at each other and said, "NO WAY!" There was no way that guy heard us. So we tried again and sure enough he came back with another comment about not talking about him. So we tried an experiment, and said something that was directed to him. Remember now we were whispering the whole time and he is upstairs around a corner and at least thirty feet from where we were. HE HEARD US! I could not believe it. But the funny thing of the whole event is we are whispering and the guy is yelling back at us but while all of this is happening, the other guys upstairs all they hear is the guy yelling. So they are getting mad at him. I guess you had to be there but it was the funniest thing I have done in a long time. Those guys wanted to kill that guy and we was just fighting with us. They thought he was going crazy.

I was think later the next day, sometimes when you think God is not listening, He hears everything we say. All you have to do is talk to Him even if is just a still small voice. Cool huh?

Anyway there are a few other things that happened this weekend but I think I will keep them to myself. Like I said, I am already in trouble.

God bless, Joe

Miracle of the Day!

2005-11-10T11:51:00.000-05:00

REVISED UPDATE 11/15/05

According to Matt's website, he is home! This is just amazing, thanks to everyone who has prayed for Matt and his family. He still has a long way to go but for him to be home after what he has been through is just awesome.

*****UPDATE*****

I spoke with Dan today and I am about in tears. Dan told me Matt's story and it is amazing. Alright first things first, Matt is starting to come around and when I say come around I mean he is doing thing that the doctors are telling him he can not do. I am not going to get into it to much because there is a web site I am going to send you to if you really want to read how awesome Matt is doing. One thing is Matt wanted to sit in a chair, the doctors told him he had been still for 12 days and the pain would be unbearable for him if he moved, but after a little while Matt WAS sitting in that chair.

Dan was finally able to talk about Matt today. I could tell Dan was feeling a lot better. There is light at the end of the tunnel, granted it is a very long tunnel but there is light there none-the-less. Dan said that when Matt rolled his machine into the fire, Matt unbuckeled his seat belt and walked through the fire to get out. He got in his truck and started driving himself to the hospital. He called 911 to let them know which way he was going. He called his wife to let her know he burned himself up. Then he called Dan's wife to let her know what was happening. All the while throwing-up from the pain. Matt had burned 20 to 30% of his body. Matt was still smoking when he walked into the emergency room. If that is not amazing enough, there was a trauma team at the hospital visiting for the first time ever. They were there visiting a man who needed their help. When Matt walked in they focused all their attention to him. Some may say it is coincidence that they were there and that Matt had enough strength and forethought to drive himself to the hospital but I believe it was God's plan for all of these things to be in place to take care of Matt.

I just want to thank each and every one of you who have prayed for Matt and have asked how he was doing. God has really performed a miracle here and I am glad to see that He still does that kind of thing in this day and age. Please continue to pray for Matt he has a long row to hoe.

If you would like to read more about Matt you can go here. It is rather an amazing story.

God bless, Joe

Would you sell your soul?

2005-11-08T08:23:00.000-05:00

I have done it, I finally bought something off of EBay. I bought a skin for my IPOD for a penny! How cool is that. Of course the freight was $5.00 but I looked at one of these skins at Best Buys and they were like $29.95, so I think I made a good buy.

Any way while I was surfing to see what else I could buy I came across this ad. It is kind of sad.

Fake gold bracelet includes my soul.

I think this add will run for 5 more days so if it disappears I will add the description below. This is straight form the EBay description.

I had already placed an auction for my soul but eBay cancelled it stating I wasn't selling an item. Well, now I am selling an item: one fake gold bracelet with my first name inscribed. This bracelet was given to me by my father, who is now passed on due to cancer. He gave it to me when I turned 14, and it is the only thing I still have that he ever gave me.
Included free with this bracelet is my soul. I don't really have a use for it, so I'm giving it away free to the winner of this auction. Here is some info on the bracelet and the soul:

Bracelet is fake gold
Inscribed with the name Scott
Soul is 28 years old
No drugs, hardly any alcohol
No significant criminal history
Smoker since 18
Not very religious

I will also include a sworn statement signed by me that this bracelet is accompanied by my soul, for free, and that the purchaser of the bracelet has complete ownership of the soul. Just remember, this auction IS FOR THE BRACELET. The soul is just an added bonus for incentive. I will consider serious offers above $10,000.00.

P.S. I forgot to mention that the bracelet may in fact harbor my father's spirit. Two souls for the price of one! Every time I have worn this bracelet, I get the urge to drink, and I am not a drinker. But dear old dad was. He was a raging alcoholic in fact. So buyer beware! This bracelet may be haunted!

I just do not know how to feel about this. I mean your soul for $10,000.00 or the highest bidder. I know there are people out there who do not believe anything is going to happen to your soul once you die, so why not sell it. According to them, that would be $10,000.00 for nothing. To me my soul is everything!

My question to you, "Would you sell your soul?" I pray you wouldn't, I say give it away. Give it to Jesus so you can have heavenly riches for eternity.

God bless, Joe

This guy is a genius!

2005-11-01T18:20:00.000-05:00

Photographer Unknown

This guy is a genius! I wonder if he has a patent on this idea yet because I would like a piece of the action. Just wondering if it is cost effective though. Generator - at least $600.00 and the AC is about $100.00, I am sure it is cheaper than getting the AC in the car repaired. But just think of the possibilities, you could put a pot belly stove on the other side. Shoot, you could just get an electric heater and put it in the other window.

With this picture, I do not have any Biblical truths or anything that could be tied into a Bible story. This is just one of those posts where I can only say, "Man I wish I had thought of that." Any ideas?

God bless, Joe

Prayer request.

2005-11-01T04:17:00.000-05:00

One good thing about my job is that I get to meet all kinds of people. Some of these people become friends and some even become very good friends. One such guy is Dan, I met him a few years ago through business dealings and we hit it off from the start. I feel like I have known Dan all my life, we have so much in common.

Dan and I have done stuff not work related. Hunting, fishing, ball games, you name it. On one such trip I met his son, Matt. Very, very nice young man. I liked him right off the bat. Well this is where my prayer request begins. Matt had an accident over the weekend. I do not know all of the details but what I do know is Matt was cleaning his property with a skid steer machine. It is a little machine with tires and a bucket, you may know it as a Bobcat. Any way, Matt had a fire going and was pushing stuff into the fire with the machine. All I know is the ground gave way under the machine and the machine rolled onto the fire.

Matt is a great guy, he has little ones and a wife at home. He is now in the hospital on life support. Please pray for Matt, he is in his late 20s, I think. Pray for the doctors, that they have wisdom. Pray for the family, they are going through a rough time right now. Pray for Dan, he has being going through a lot. He is recovering from cancer surgery and now this. No one should ever have to worry about their kids like this.

Thanks guys, I owe you one.
Joe

*****UPDATE*****

11/07/05

I spoke with Dan this morning and he told me they were going to try to take Matt off of the ventilator today. They will check his blood gases. Matt also has a touch of pneumonia. So not much has changed, I am supposed to get an update later today.
Thanks for your prayers.

The Kiss

2005-10-24T13:11:00.000-05:00

The Kiss...
He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.

She is pregnant.

The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been around a Doberman before.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.
A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this Photograph.

And people say animals are dumb -
Yeah right....

-Author Unknown

Have you ever thought of what you are going to do when you get to Heaven and see Jesus for the first time? Like the Mercy Me songs says, "I Can Only Imagine." I can only imagine what I am going to do: fall at His feet, rejoice, or just simply give Him a kiss on the cheek and thank Him for saving me. Want to know how you can join me? There is a link on my header page you can go to and it will tell you how you can be saved.

God bless, Joe

You poor woman.

2005-10-19T07:31:00.000-05:00

In my last post I received a comment from Well Woman and the one thing that stuck out was her comment about my wife. I think it went something like, "Your Poor Wife." If I had a nickel for every time I have heard that I would be a millionaire, no wait, a billionaire. Yeah, that's the ticket, a billionaire! Just because I do things a little different, I do not think my wife should get any sympathy. Hey she married me for better or worse. I will let you be the judge.

*"Sheila, I saw your husband yesterday, he was jumping from the trampoline to the swimming pool. Then I saw your son do the same thing. You poor thing."

My defense: I did it when I was young and I never got hurt.

*"Hey, I saw you husband today. He was with the eleventh grade boys. Wasn't he supposed to be mentoring them and spending the weekend with them as their disciple Now leader? I was just wondering because when I stopped to say hello they egged my car."
Sheila, "I am so sorry."
"I am the one who is sorry, sorry that you have to put up with him, you poor thing."

My defense: I don't really have one. Sorry. But I learned my lesson.

*"Hey, was that a picture of your husband with house paint all over his face and in his hair?"
Sheila, "I am afraid so."
"Everyone saw it, you poor thing."

My defense: I was an encourager on a mission trip. We were having fun. I got caught up in the moment. I will never do it again because it took me over an hour trying to get the paint out of my hair.

*"Sheila, I heard your husband was jumping off a 30 foot tall bridge with a bunch of kids from his Sunday school class. Please tell me it isn't so."
"Yeah it was him."
"Doesn't he know he is too old to do stuff like that. He is going to throw out a hip or something and then you are going to have to take care of him. You poor, poor thing."

My defense: The class was calling me chicken. I had to do it to save my family's honor, see I was looking out for my wife!

*"I heard Joe fell off the ladder while putting up Christmas lights. Is he OK?" Sheila, "Yeah, he just got on the ground and laid the ladder on top of him. Then he sent our son up to the neighbors house to get me. The only thing that kept me from freaking out was the fact that our son could not keep a straight face the whole time. If I could have got my hands on him, I would have killed him. Not so much for trying to trick me but for getting our six-year-old involved in his little scheme." "I am so so sorry, you poor woman."

My defense: It was a joke! Come on people, you can not go through life without a little fun in you life.

I say my wife is not a, "poor lady" I say she is rich. Rich on life! Rich for having a husband who is not a stick-in-the-mud. Rich for having someone to keep her on her toes. Rich for having someone to talk about, I mean think about it what a good way start a conversation with someone, "Did you hear what my husband did today?" So what do you say, Is she a poor wife or someone who is richly blessed for finding the perfect mate and husband who is kind, funny and loving?

Oh by the way, in June my wife and I will have been together for 20 years! My first and only. Unheard of now days. If she doesn't like what I do, she would have left a long time ago. So like I said, do not feel sorry for her. If you have been reading my blog, you know that I am turning 40 in a couple of months. So yes, I was married when I was twenty, and don't let my wife fool you. I did not marry her when she was twelve. To hear her talk she is only 32. Did I say that? Man there I go again. My poor wife, I don't see how she puts up with stuff like that. That poor lady.

It finally happened.

2005-10-12T06:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it has finally happened. It has taken eight months, eleven days and about 10.37 hours but it has finally happened. Actually it happened a little sooner than that but I have been on an old man kick lately and tried to play it off like I was losing my memory. You guessed it, I have been TAGGED. Not once but twice and with the same request.

Last week Old Guy over at Old Guy's Treehouse tagged me, I tried to act like I did not see it. Would that be considered a lie? Anyway, I can not try to sweep it under the rug any longer because Berrymom2005 over at The Sojourner's journey has just tagged me with same thing. I guess the old saying is true, "You can run but you can't hide."

So this is what I have to do:

1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it)
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

That post I was talking about my son Hunter and how God can you things in your life to teach you humility.

"This year I wanted him to try something different, so when he mentioned basketball, I was thrilled."

That's it, I am done! Crud, I forgot I have to tag five people. Sorry guys but if I have to do it so do you. If you have already been tagged once before, sorry I must have missed that post. hehe

Jimmy @ Being God's since he tagged a phone pole I figured he could be tagged on the internet.

Joe @ Joe's Jottings just because he is a cross town high school rival.

Tey or is it Kristy @ Tey's Journal just because she is young and you are supposed to do what you elders tell you to do.

Well Woman @ 2 Corinthians 12:9 I have not spoken to her in a while, I figured this will give her a reason to say hello.

Nancy @ Golilox because she was rubbing it in that the Seahawks beat the Falcons. I told you I would get you back.

Ya'll have a great day. Oh yeah, I call - NO TAG BACKS.

Joe

A little concerned.

2005-10-04T08:09:00.000-05:00

I am starting to get a little concerned. In two months I turn forty. This past weekend I bought a mini-van. (Something I said I would never do.) Here lately, I have been wearing socks with my sandals. But let me get one thing straight, they are white socks and I don't wear them in public. I wonder what God is trying to tell me?

God bless, Joe

PS. Let me just add one thing, IF ANYONE EVER SEES ME WEARING BLACK SOCKS WITH SANDALS, JUST SHOOT ME.

Thanks for the golf lesson.

2005-09-24T18:36:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago I asked the question, "Has God ever answered a prayer in a way you never dreamed a prayer could be answered?" Today I have a new question, "Has anything ever happened to you when after it was all said and done you knew it was God?" I have had it happen twice this week. First was last Friday, I had a few of the guys from church coming over for a "guys night" since my wife and kids were out of town. On my way home from work I was going to stop and pick up a couple of pizzas and soft drinks. I noticed my truck was running just a little hot but it has been doing that for a while so I dismissed it. Then one of the worst things that could ever happen to a man did. While I was in Sam's someone came over the intercom and said, "Who ever owns a red Dodge truck, the water is running out of you radiator." Knowing it was me, I did what any man would do, I looked around and said, out loud, "I hate it for that guy." So long-story-short, I got some water in my truck and limped it home. I normally worry about things like this, especially since I do not have the money to get my truck fixed. I just said a quick prayer, "Lord, what do I do now?"

This all happened around six o'clock, the guys showed up around seven. Then I got a phone call around seven-thirty. It was a buddy from church who was calling to see if he could park his truck in my parking area to try to sell it. I have a large area in my front yard where I can park about 15 cars. I also live on a main street in our town so it makes a great place to try to sell a vehicle. So jokingly I asked him, "How much do you want for your truck?"

"I thought you had a truck."

"I do, but it just blew up."

"Then just drive mine," he said.

"Man, I am not going to drive your truck."

"Joe, I have a company car, I don't need my truck for a while."

"I am telling you I am not going to drive your truck."

"Let me ask you one question. If you could, would you do it for me?"

"You know I.... Wait a minute, that is a trick question."

"That's right, you would. Let me do this for you. Besides that's what Brothers in Christ do."

Needless to say, I am borrowing my buddies truck.

Next case, I played golf the other day and I could not hit the broad side of a barn. It was the worst day of golf I have had with my golfing buddies since we started playing golf together. It was so bad I was wishing a bear would come out of the woods and end our day. Or better yet, I wished I had a pimped out golf cart, so I could hurry up and finish my round. It was a loooong day. I had told myself that I was going to take a break from golf. That was Saturday, Tuesday at work a friend of mine came up to me and said, "Have you ever seen one of these?" It was a Medicus, a golf club that will help you with your swing. I told him I have never used one but I have always wanted to use one. He said take it, you can borrow it. I won't need it for a while.

I knew there was a third story and I just remembered it. Last week, I received a check from my company for twenty dollars. I called the home office and asked what the money was for because I knew I was not due anything. I told the lady I did not want it if it was not mine. She said it was for an expense report I had sent in a couple of weeks before. I did some traveling for my company and turned in a gas ticket. Well since gas has gone up, they have a new gas rate we are supposed to use. I used the old mileage rate. You may say twenty dollars, big deal. Well it was a big deal at the time. You see I had made a calculation error in my checking account and did not have any money, I mean none! That was my gas money for the week.

What is my point? I did not ask God for any of this stuff but He decided I could use them. Some people would say, man you are crazy, it is just a coincidence. You are just grasping at straws to make a point. I say God is looking out for me. I didn't really need these things or even ask for them but God said, "Let Me do this for you." (Well maybe I needed some gas money.)

Luke 12:24, "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"

So let me ask you, has anything ever happened to you, big or small, when after it was all said and done you knew it was from God?

God bless, Joe

If you write it they will come.

2005-09-20T19:07:00.000-05:00

The other day while playing golf my buddy asked me what was my favorite sports movie. Wow, tough question. I have so many favorites. Can that be possible? Can you have more than one favorite? So I thought of writing a post about it, but I was not sure I wanted to do it, until tonight. I sat down to write this thing, turned on the TV and there it was, just starting, Field of Dreams, one of my all time favorites. It was a sign that I MUST write this post. So here are my top ten, not in any kind of order:

1. The Natural
2. Field of Dreams
3. Hoosiers
4. Happy Gilmore
5. Rudy
6. Rookie of the year
7. Caddyshack
8. The longest Yard (The old one, I have not seen the new one yet.)
9. Brian's Song
10. A League of Their Own

Oh Man, nevermind, I can't name just ten, here are a couple more.

11. Remember the Titans
12. Jerry Maguire
13. Tin Cup
14. Major League (My wife hates this movie because I watch it every time it comes on.)
15. Angels in the Outfield

Alright I'll stop there, so what do you say? Have I forgotten any? Do you agree?

So tell me, what is your favorite sports movie?

Have fun , Joe

Another fireman post!

2005-09-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

Did ya'll know that firemen just don't put out fires? They spend there weekends in front of Walmart or standing at a busy intersection collecting money for all different type reasons. Or they volunteer to help people in their time of need, no mater what the situation. Or they go to schools and talk to kids about fire safety.

My brother is one such person. He is an assistant chief at a county fire department in middle Georgia. He and his fireman have spent the last two months, every Saturday standing at busy intersections collecting money for Jerry's kids. They do it every year. This year they collected twelve thousand dollars. Not too shabby for a small out of the way county fire department.

Tim also goes to schools and teaches young people about fire safety. He loves kids, did I mention he was a youth pastor. The first person in my family to graduate college. Not too shabby for a young man who's high school teachers told him, to his face, he would never graduate or amount to anything.

Now for Tim's latest adventure, he volunteered to go to New Orleans last week with about 65 search and rescue people from middle Georgia. Oh yeah, did I mention that Tim is an registered EMT and a fire fighter trainer, training firefighters in many procedures of firefighting techniques. He teaches firemen how to put out fires(there is a certain way to put out a fire), rescue people from cars and all other sorts odd training we never guessed firemen went through. Tim and the crew he is working with left last Tuesday to head to New Orleans to help people. First day there they found and saved someone from a house that was flooded. Awesome. Second day there Tim took the command center he built for the fire department, and went to New Orleans, by himself, to set up a communications center for people down there. (He went to an Air Force base close to where they live, bought an old command center that the Air Force junked out. He cleaned it up and painted it, added a few things that the fire department needed and now they use it for a command post. I wish I had pictures, this thing is awesome.) Why did he go by himself, because he like his brother is an idiot. Anyway, I finally got to actually talk to him Sunday night. He told me he was doing well but he could not come home like he had planned, the crew he went with is leaving to come home and a new crew is coming down and they need a leader. So you guessed it, Tim is staying to lead the new group and to help anyone who needs it while he is there. While I was talking to him he got very serious and said he had to go. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said he had a team member get hurt, an arterial cut. I think that means someone was cut and it cut through an artery. Not good. I asked him quickly if he needed anything, he just said, "Your Prayers."

So that's what this post is all about, prayers. I am asking all of you to pray for my brother. Not only him but all the firemen, armed forces, policemen, volunteers who are helping anyone and everyone who are going through this nightmare. Like the pictures above show, pray for them a guardian angle to help these heroes to be safe as they help those who are less fortunate.

Oh by the way, did I mention that my brother is my hero? He saved me once. I was not living like I should and he knew it, I will never forget the night we where out back of his house and he was crying telling me what I need to be doing. I have never forgot that night, it took me a while but it was because of that night I am where I am today. Not to shabby for a overweight little pesky younger brother who I used to beat up.

Proverbs 17:22 "A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born to help in times of trouble and adversity." That is Tim in a nutshell. Of course it would have to be a BIG nutshell. What? I had to get one shot in at him, he is my baby brother you know.

Oh and by the way yes that is a picture of a snow sculpture. Not too shabby for a bunch of snow.

God bless, Joe

Old Guy writes "This one is for Joe"

2005-09-10T20:56:00.000-05:00

I was reading Old Guy's Tree House the other day. (I found me and Old Guy have a lot in common, for one he calls himself Old Guy on his website and the youth at church call me old man. See, I told you we had something in common.) Anyway, I had noticed that Old Guy likes to write poems and sometimes he does it for other people. I, in a joking fashion, said that he could not write a poem about me because noone can rhyme the word "idiot." Well the Old Guy did it. Not only did he do it but he did it very well! Go to Old Guy's site and read the post, "This one is for Joe."

I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

God bless, joe

I am so excited!

2005-09-06T06:43:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I enjoy working with the youth group at my church. One of the things I really like to do is making videos. We make all kinds, from the meaningless to the ones with spiritual value. We make a lot of videos that promote upcoming events. Well, we finally made it to the big time, we are on the internet! Thanks to Josh over at youthgroupvideos.com, we are able to show you guys some of our work. Just click here and once you are at the site just click on the video names "Super Wow Promo Video". It should be the first video you see on the page.

Gabe, our youth pastor, and I have being doing videos for years. He is the one who really got me started and now I can't get enough. We used to have a regular video camera where we would have to stop if we messed up, rewind the camera and start all over again. Now, thanks to technology, we can video everything then go to the computer and edit, add music and make it an all around better video.

God has blessed us so much that we were asked to do some videos for North American Mission Board. Please don't get me wrong, I am not bragging, this is a testimony. Because without God we would not be able to do the things we do. There have been times when we needed a video but we had no ideas. Then there were times when we tried to make a video without God's help, those videos lacked something. So Gabe and I would say a prayer and it would seem like right out of the blue, BAM, an idea would come into our heads. And those videos would have a spark, something special. How awesome is that?

Please go to Josh's site and check out our video and let me know what you think. We are going to have more put up as soon as Josh gets his new website going. I will keep you posted. We are also starting a new website for our youth group and we are going to post videos there also. But your feedback is important to us, we like to know what we can do better and what we are doing well.

Have a good day and God bless,
Joe

Why does God allow pain and suffering?

2005-08-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

A few months ago someone asked if there was a God why does He allow so many bad things to happen. This is a good question now that we see all the things Katrina has done to Louisiana. I did not have a good answer for that question. I am not a Bible scholar. I wish I did have all the answers, but I don't. Maybe this will help.

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen. It's an explanation other people will understand.

A man went to a barbershop to have his haircut and his beard trimmed!
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. I just worked on you!"
No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Author Unknown

I hope this helps a little.

Please pray for our brothers and sisters who have lost homes, property and lives due to hurricane Katrina.

God bless,
Joe

Are you more important than a bird?

2005-08-26T05:15:00.000-05:00

First you take two Starburst Tropical Punch Chews and very carefully unwrap them. Now take a mini marshmallow and put it between the two candies. What do you have? A candy sandwich, of course . How do I know? My three-year-old told me.

Zach: "Dad, you want one?"

me: "No thanks, buddy."

Zach: (In his little three year old voice.) "They are good."

me: "Thanks man, but I am not hungry right now. By the way, what is it?"

Zach: "It is a candy sandwich. Do you want one? They are good." (Same cute little three year old voice.)

me: "Not right now, bud."

Zach: "They will make your feet feel good."

me: (With a stupid look on my face.) "What?"

Zach: "They will make your feet feel good."

me: "Make my feet feel good?"

Zach: "Yeah from the mosquito bites."

See we had just came in from outside and were eaten up by mosquitoes.

I just look at him with that proud-to-be-a-dad-smile, and say, "Dude, no thanks but that is a great idea."

He just smiles and looks up at me and says, "I have another great idea."

Let me stop here and say, Zach is not the smartest three-year-old in the world but he is much smarter than I ever was at that age. So this whole conversation is just amazing to me. Alright back to the story.

By now it is dark outside and it has started raining, lightning and thundering. Zach doesn't like lightning much.

"So what is your idea, son?"

"We could get a spaceship and fly up into the air."

me: "A base hit?"

"No dad, a spaceship."

me: "A class trip?"

"Dad, I said a spaceship."

me: "Oh, a spaceship. Gotcha." Sorry but some times a three year old is hard to understand.

"We can take the spaceship and fly up around the clouds and go from Sheck's house (Zach's best friend) to Hunter's friends house, to the church and back home and push all of the clouds away. And then the lightning and thunder will be gone. That's a good idea, huh dad?"

"That is an awesome idea, boy!" As I picked him up and gave him a hug.

"So dad, do you want a candy sandwich? They are good."

"Sure man, Ill try one."

You know what, those thing were pretty good, but I think the cherry ones would have been better.

I was just wondering how many of these type converations I missed while I was traveling. I know the traveling was part of my job. But was having a job that kept me from my family worth having at all? I work so I can take care of my family. But because of work I was missing my family. This is where God stepped in. He knew my needs and took care of me. I now have a job where I am home everyday and weekend. I am reminded of Luke12:24, "Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more." From the Message Bible. God will take care of you too.

Are you more more important than a bird?

The Bible says you are!

I said I wanted to go to the ocean not the mountains.

2005-08-23T16:43:00.000-05:00

I love collecting funny pictures. I use them in presentations for work to make things a little less boring. I use them while teaching my Sunday school class. At appropriate times, of course. And I use them just to cheer me up. I just don't know how to use this one. This one was a winner of funny pictures over at Doug Fields' website. Look at this kid's face, he looks like he did this on purpose.

I hope you guys are having a better day than this guy.

God bless, Joe

A tribute

2005-08-19T19:32:00.000-05:00

If you have been visiting my blog for any period of time, you will notice a couple of things about what I post. One, I do not do politics. The word politics in Latin is "poli" meaning many and "tics" meaning blood sucking insects. Politics are not what this blog is about, if you want to read about politics there are plenty of those type blogs out there. I also try not to comment on things that everyone else is posting about at that particular time. I like to be different. I guess that is an understatement.

Anyway there is one thing I do comment on that may be considered something political. That is our armed forces. I know I have readers from all over the world who visit this site. And I would hope that you would agree to, but no mater where you live you should always support your troops. I don't care if you do not believe a country should or should not be at war, you should always support your troops! I have a lot to say about this matter but I am not going to. I am going to let the tribute speak for itself. So if you are interested please click on my title "A tribute" and it will link you to a very special page.

And to all you service people out there, thank you and God bless,
Joe

Thank Jimmy.

2005-08-17T09:24:00.000-05:00

I have a very good friend named Jimmy. It is kind of a weird situation because Jimmy is A LOT older than I am. (Jimmy likes it when I make mention about him being old. hehe) Even though Jimmy is older than I am, you would never tell it by his actions and attitude. I think I have told you guys before, Jimmy and I love to work with the youth at our church. We have been on many excursions with them, church and non church related events. One such event was when one high school student called us to help him with a video for a school project. It was a video about Mole Day, I don't know, something to do with math I think. Needless to say, Seth made an A on the project. Maybe one day I will be able to post videos on my blog and I will post some of them for you guys. We do a lot for our youth group and most of them are stinking hilarious.

Anyway back to Jimmy. the other day he wrote on his blog "BEING GODS", that it would have been nice at this juncture in his lifeto be a world famous musician or author, and have been interviewed by Oprah, or Diane Sawyer, or even Barbara Waters. Have his face planted on the cover of People, which by the way is a blessing for all of us that it has not been. LOL He wasn't down one himself or anything like that, he was just, I guess, day dreaming a little. But I found a poem I would like to share with you guys, to me this is Jimmy in a nutshell.

In A Hundred Years Time

In a hundred years time it won't matter
If the house you've lived in wasn't done,
The garden and outside wasn't finished,
Or the chores not even begun.

In a hundred years time it won't matter
If the paint still sat in the tin,
That was meant for the wall in the study.
Would it really be such a sin?

In a hundred years time it won't matter
If that shiny new car was not yours?
Or that fancy new watch you'd admired
Still sat in the case at the stores?

In a hundred years time it won't matter
If you were never on TV,
You'd never reached Hollywood stardom
Or even been in a movie.

At sunset a graveyard is quiet
As you quietly move through the leaves
You'll see life summed up on each headstone.
What kind of treasures are these?

Store up your treasures in heaven
where thieves and moths cannot find.
Love God, love your neighbor as yourself
Be patient, gentle, and kind.

Live today and enjoy it.
Grasp every moment you can.
For life is the eternal race-
No winners, it's just that you ran.

~Author Unknown

So Mr. Jimmy, ask anyone who knows and loves you and they will tell you, to us you are:
A movie star - in our youth videos.
An awesome musician - in our youth choir and Sunday morning services.
A great author - "Being Gods" need I say more.

Thanks for letting God be your guide because if not who would the youth go to when they need to talk to a wise, mature elderly man (I am trying to make up for the two shots earlier) when they have a problem they are to scared to go to their parents about. Or someone to take them to lunch at some out of the way hole in the wall to buy beef nuggets. Or just being there to answer the phone at 2 in the morning when the youth are still up and being mischievous.

Live today and enjoy it.
Grasp every moment you can.
For life is the eternal race-
No winners, it's just that you ran.

You are our winner, thanks for running with us.

If any of you guys like my blog, please go by and tell Jimmy thank you. Because without his prompting I would have never even thought of doing a blog. He is the reason there is a "God even loves idiots like me."

God bless, Joe

Have marker will travel.

2005-08-14T15:30:00.000-05:00

First things first, I am glad these are not my kids because my wife would have a cow. That being said, I know there is a Bible lesson here, but for the life of me I can't think of one right now. Because every time I look at this, I just crack up! ANY THOUGHTS? How about, Psalm 51:7, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." I know, I know that is weak but (hehe) just look at that little babies eyes. I guess I should be a little more serious, but look at the little one on the left, they are so proud of what they have done (HAHA). You guys just talk amongst yourselves, I can't type and laugh at the same time (BWAAAHAHAHA).

I hope you guys got as good a laugh as I did. Hope your weekend has been a good one.

God bless, Joe

Stuck!

2005-08-11T13:54:00.000-05:00

My friend Old Guy, over at Old Guys Tree House, said in one of his posts that he had nuthin. Nuthing to say that is. Me I have plenty to say, I am just STUCK. I want to talk about what is happening in my life but I have been doing that a little to much lately. I like to keep things on my blog a little light hearted. What I have been trying to do is post something personal then later in the week steal something funny from someone else and post it then. I mean, uh, borrow something from someone. Yeah, yeah that's the ticket. So I am stuck. Oh well at least I ain't stuck like the little guy in the picture.
Have a great day.
God bless,
Joe

God, are You sure that's how You want to do it?

2005-08-08T18:35:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard the one about the man who lived in a midwestern town that was located in a valley between two rivers. There was a terrible flood and both rivers overflowed their banks and the rains continued to fall day and night. The town was being flooded slowly but surely. Everyone was evacuated, except for one old man who refused to leave his house-which would soon become completely submerged.

"I have faith that God will save me," the old man shouted at everyone who asked him to leave and flee to higher ground. The man believed in the power of prayer, and he trusted that God would save him somehow.

As the water covered the roads, making them impassable for cars, a man in a four-wheel-drive truck stopped at the old man's house and banged on the door. "Hurry," he cried out. "Come with me and I'll drive you to safety! You haven't much time!" But the old man continued to pray. He would not leave his house.

Within hours, the water had risen several feet, completely flooding his home. The rain continued. The old man climbed up on the kitchen table and continue to pray. As the water was lapping at his heels, a man in a rowboat paddled up to the old man's kitchen window and shouted, "Sir, get in my boat! I'll take you to safety!"

"No," the old man shouted back. "God will deliver me from this flood!"

The water got deeper and soon the old man had no choice but to climb up on his roof. The torrential rains persisted. While he was praying, he heard the chop-chop-chop of a helicopter in the sky. He looked up and saw the helicopter hovering over his house. A ladder had been lowered for him to climb.

"Go away," yelled the man at the helicopter. "You will blow me off my roof! God is going to save me! You go save someone else!"

The helicopter couldn't wait forever, so it left the old man on his rooftop, still praying. Eventually, the water engulfed the house and the old man perished in the flood.

When the old man arrived at the gates of heaven, he asked Saint Peter if he could have a talk with God. Peter took him to he throne of grace.

"Oh Lord, I prayed earnestly for the rains to stop and for your deliverance from the flood. But you left me there to drown. I don't understand!"

"My child, I heard your prayers. I sent you a four-wheel-drive truck, a rowboat, and a helicopter. Why did you send them away?"

Author Unknown

First of all, I want to thank all of you that have been praying for me over the past few weeks. I am so blessed to have friends like you guys. So let me ask you guys something. Has God ever answered one of your prayers in a way completely different than the way you would have done it?

As most of you know, my doctor told me to find a new job or work on my stress management. Like I said, I really don't feel stressed. Really! So after the doctor told me stress way killing me, I decided to get my resume together and start looking for a job. That was Friday, then on Sunday a fellow co-worker passed away. Man, what a crappy weekend. This is where God does His thing and throws me for a loop. The next week my boss presented my with an opportunity. At first I thought it was a demotion but know I realize it was a blessing is disguise.

God once again has answered my prayers in a completely different way that I ever expected. You see the man who passed away was going to retire in the near future. Our company hired a very cool young man to to replace another man who had retired earlier this year. Unknown to most of us, they had hired this guy not just to replace this first guy who retired but he was going to move up and replace the guy who passed away when he retired. (Have I lost anyone yet.) So this is where God's timing is always prefect. They promoted the young man this week and I am going to take his job. I know I am rambling but I am trying to make a point. My point, God always answers prayer, either yes, no or wait. The answer may not be how you thought it would be and it may not be when you want it, but He always answers. Man, our God is so cool.

I kind of feel like the guy in the flood, looking for one thing when God sends me something else. Only difference, I see God has answered my prayers and my friends prayers!

Thanks again for all your prayers. You guys are great.
God bless,
Joe

Wow, what a ride!

2005-08-01T18:38:00.000-05:00

Hundred miles per hour, holding on for dear life and screaming at the top of my lungs.

This is a pretty good description of how my life is right now. I have to have a medical procedure in a few weeks, I am not looking foreword to it either. While the doctor told me I was going to have to have this procedure he also said I need to find a way to manage my stress or get a new job. He said the stress is killing me. Funny, I don't feel stressed. At least not until he told me I was going to have to miss a few days of work because of this thing he is going to do to me.

Then today the president of my company calls me into his office and tells me he wants me to consider a new job position. Or rather, take the job because my exsiting job may not be there in six months. Hmmm, no brainer. Looks like I will be working in the sales department in a few weeks. Other than that, everything is smooth sailing, at least for the time being.

Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big your God is!

God bless, Joe

Acts 2:38

2005-07-28T12:29:00.000-05:00

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"

Hope you got a chuckle out of this like I did. Have a great day!
Joe

Prayer Rock.

2005-07-25T21:55:00.000-05:00

Things are not always as they appear. There is a hidden picture here. To see it either turn you head to the left a little or pick up your computer and turn it sideways to the right. Once you see it you will never look at this picture the same again.
Have fun and God bless,
Joe

So what do yall think?

2005-07-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

Well, what do yall think? I had Shara and Steve over at Web Divas help me with a new look for my blog. I think they did a great job! Please tell me what you like and/or dislike. Shara said she could help me make any changes if I needed it.
I figured since I was using this site as an outreach, I thought it would be a good idea to make it a little more eye catching. Maybe some people would hang around for longer than 30 seconds and read something that may change there lives. (Plus, I got tired of getting my butt kicked in the Battle of the Blogs. lol)
So, please look this over and let me know if I need to make any changes.
God bless, Joe

I hate going to the doctor.

2005-07-20T20:41:00.000-05:00

I hate going to the doctor. I have an appointment Friday to see my doctor, not for surgery or anything like that, just a follow up visit. I have been fighting a small illness for over a year now, taking antibiotics for most of that time. It really stinks. I told my doctor that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired all of the time. So he told me to come in for ANOTHER follow up. Maybe I need to go online and go to FINDANOTHERDOCTOR.COM.

Oh well, like I said before and I will say it again, "Don't tell God how big your storms are, tell the storms how big your God is."

God bless, Joe

You are here!

2005-07-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

Did you ever have one of those days? Weeks? I have been working out of town all week, I thought I was going to get to go home yesterday and see the family but that was put in the null and void column. It now looks like I will be here all weekend. Hey, at least I have a job.

What a weekend!

2005-07-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

Well, the end of an era is close at hand. At the end of the summer I am stepping down as the 10th grade Sunday school teacher. I have held this responsibility for the past five years and it is been such a blessing. Our church is growing by leaps and bounds. The problem with that is it is hard to teach 20 to 30 kids all by yourself. So while I am stepping down as the tenth grade Sunday school teacher, I am stepping up to be an 11th grade Sunday school co-teacher. I am stoked! I will be working with Vicki, she is a very talented teacher, and where I lack on extra after church activities, she is a genius. She can plan and make any event successful. I am lucky to remember to send out fliers to let people know we are going to do something. But what I like most about Vicki is she hates to lose and she has a devious mind just like me. In other words, I have met my match when it comes to pranks, games and all around foolishness, especially when it comes to our Sunday school kids. My wife and kids love her and they were excited for me when they found out we were going to be teaching this upcoming year.

This weekend was our first official Sunday school class event together. Vicki plans this big weekend trip of camping, funyaking, swimming, eating, jumping off of bridges, fireworks, and so-on and so-forth. Oh yeah I forgot, volleyball, how could I forget that. Vicki's team 0 wins, Joe's team 5 wins! Not that I am rubbing it in or anything. (Remember, Vicki hates to lose.) So Vicki planned this whole extravaganza and all I have to do is drive a van and eat. How cool is that!

There were a lot of highlights this past weekend. I jumped off of a forty foot train trestle into a freezing rain swollen river, TWICE. Almost got bit by a snake. Tried to go down a set of rapids in my funyak backwards and was tossed out into the freezing rain swollen river. Drove in a van with eleven eleventh graders for four hours, each way, while they yelling, singing, putting sweaty head bands into peoples mouth, and just plain being cool teenagers.

But there was one highlight I would really like to share with you guys. Sunday morning around, oh I guess it was 4, I heard people talking. I know who it was right away because these guys have very distinguishable voices. And these guys aren't whispering, they are talking loudly. Not to mention their tent is only five foot from my tent. And for those of you who have never slept in a tent, you can hear EVERYTHING for miles when you sleep in a tent. After about an hour of listening to them in my half asleep state I decide to get up and tell them to go to sleep. Here is how the conversation goes:

Tyler: (Yelling) "What in the world is that?"

Dusty: "ARGGGG! Dang it Joe you scared us."

I was just standing outside their tent.

Dusty: "Joe, stick your head in here for a minute."

A few thoughts went through my mind. Like, "Oops, sorry Joe we didn't see you standing there when we threw out our cup of water. Or "Joe, while you have your head in our tent can you take our pet snake out for a walk." Or my all time favorite, "Joe, can you take a sniff and guess what we had for dinner." I wasn't falling for any of it. I wasn't born yesterday.

Joe: "NO!"

Dusty: "Joe, man, you have got you hear this."

Joe "NO!"

Dusty: "I am serious, you have got to hear Tyler's story."

Joe: "OK" Bending down covering my face in case paint balls come hurling out of the opening of the tent.

Tyler: "Dude, I know there is a God. Just look around at all the different beauties, tastes and sounds. I also know I am here this weekend for a reason. My girlfriend called me early this morning and told me they were going to Savannah unexpectedly. If she would have stayed home I never would have taken Dusty up on his invitation to join you guys."

Seth: Half asleep. "Me sweepy."

Tyler: "Then I got mad at Dusty about something he was saying earlier this afternoon and when he tried to get into the tent tonight I fought it. But he got in anyway. Then we started talking about it and we got things straighten out. If he hadn't done that we would have never started talking about other things. Like I said, I know there is a God and I also know I am not living for Him like I should. So, Dusty and I decided to take a walk."

Joe: Thinking to himself. "These guys left the camp site without letting anyone know, after lights out. I am going to kill them but I want to see where this story is going." So I didn't say anything.

Tyler: "I told Dusty I was ready to make a decision but I didn't know what to do. Dusty talked to me and I accepted Christ as my savior."

Dusty: "How cool is that!"

Joe: "That's pretty dang cool guys"

Seth: "Has anyone seen my blanky?"

Dusty: "Sorry about all of the talking but we are pretty excited right now."

Joe: "I guess so! "

Dusty: "I have always been nervous about talking to people about Jesus, but tonight it all just came together like someone was telling me what to say. I know God was really working today."

Joe: "Guys, I am so excited for you. Let's try to get some rest and we will talk some more in the morning."

I went and crawled back into my tent and laid on my slow leaking air mattress. I was laying there listening to the guys still talking. I thanked God for letting me be a part of a great weekend. As the sounds of crickets started taking over the sounds of two young men's conversation. I heard one final thought.

Dusty: "God, this is awesome!"

(I tried to write this conversation down word for word, but remember it was 4 in the morning and I can't remember what happened 10 minutes ago let alone a few days ago.)

The Bible says that the angels rejoice whenever someone makes a decision to follow Jesus. They had two people joining them that night. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night.

I did nothing this past weekend but drive a van and cut up with a bunch of teenagers. All Vicki did was put together a camping trip (actually it was a little more than that, but you catch my drift.) All Dusty did was invited a friend and listen when he had questions. Then did his best to answer those questions. And I know there are other people in Tyler's life who had an impact on him making this big decision. Tyler is a good friend of our pastor's son, Charles. Tyler has spent the night at the pastor's house and has been around the whole family at any given time. God has been preping Tyler's heart for this night for a while.

My point, you don't have to be an evangelist to lead people to the Lord. Just be willing to do SOMETHING. Whether it is taking some kids camping, inviting someone to church or a church event, driving a van, taking someone some food, or just listening to a friend when he or she has something to say. As my brother always says, if you do what God asks you to do, He will bless your socks off!

You know what? I never did get on to those guys for leaving the camp site. I think I will let them slide this time.

Rememeber, Don't tell God how big your storms are, tell the storms how big your God is!

God bless, Joe

High school and College photos!

2005-07-11T10:29:00.000-05:00

This really is amazing! Check it out. They actually have photographs of almost every school in the world. Unless you went to School when cameras weren't invented, you will find a photo of yourself or at least your classmates.

Click on my title and it will redirect you to the sight.

Maybe some of you can give the name of you high school so we can all go view YOUR photo too.

God bless, Joe

I can't even dig a hole in the sand.

2005-07-08T05:26:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago my family and I went to the beach. I tried to help my youngest son build a sand castle. I was so bad at it I decided to just dig a hole, I couldn't even do that right. It kept falling in on me. But check out what this guy can do. Chuck Ritchey Sr. of Ocean City, Maryland does a little bit better job than I do. He uses his talent as a ministry since many people view his art everyday. Think about it, this guy is playing in the sand to further God's kingdom. So, what can you do for God?

God bless, Joe

I love making short films.

2005-07-06T18:54:00.000-05:00

I just love making short videos. The Student Minister at my church got my involved in making short videos for our students and I have been hooked ever since. I really like to do all the behind scenes, the writing , directing, set design (that pretty much consists of borrowing some silly props and hanging some curtains), and yelling, "Cut!" I love that part. I don't like getting in front of the camera much, I have a very noticeable southern accent and it is twice as bad on screen. Not saying a southern accent is bad just MY southern accent is bad.

Anyway, a few months ago I was reading a post that Layla over at Well Woman posted. It was about how she is affiliated with the Damah Film Festival. Damah is a non-profit organization which hosts an annual spiritual film festival. (Layla, correct me if I am wrong.) I left a comment on Layla's blog and she helped me get a DVD of some of the films. A lot of these short films have a dark story line and a few of them the plot is over my head and I do not understand what they are trying to say.

Light of Darkness, a film by Michael Cargil, is one short that was on the DVD. I mention this film because it was a simple little film with a lot of meaning. It was about a lady driving down a dark lonely road, getting low on gas. It starts out just like an 80's horror movie, you know, the music with a lot of violins and such. Well, you guessed it, she ran out of gas. Seeing how it was set in the late 70's early 80's, cell phones were not around yet. So instead of walking, she locks the doors and goes to sleep right there in the car. Just like every horror movie, along comes a sinister looking guy in a hooded sweatshirt. He stands by her window, she wakes up and it scares her. She starts screaming for the man to leave and eventually he does but minutes later shows up again and starts beating on her window. She is screaming more now, telling him to leave. We find out through all of this that the man can not speak. Finally, you think the guy is going to leave but what he is doing is walking down the road to pick up a big rock. He smashes the window. Then starts pulling the woman from the car. She is screaming and clawing at anything she can to stay in the car. It is getting more and more intense. Then through all the fighting and screaming the man gets the woman from the car just as the train smashes into it. Wow, what a mix of emotions.

I showed this film to my Sunday school. I asked my students what they thought that we as Christians have in common with the woman. Here is my favorite response. Once we become Christians or even later in life it is hard to give up worldly things. It could be a number of things, TV, internet, a job, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend. We hold on with all our might, sometimes kicking and screaming, and all God wants is to save us from a world of hurt. If there is something out there that is holding you back from God's blessing, pray about it and give with you are holding on to to God. Not too bad for a bunch of tenth grade teenagers. Maybe we can all learn a lesson from these guys.

Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell the storms how big your God is!

God bless, Joe

HAppy 4th of July!

2005-07-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

2005-07-02T12:23:00.000-05:00

I have started my diet this week, now I need to find some place to workout. Can anyone tell me WHERE this place is?

Funny movie quotes, The Sequel!

2005-06-29T19:23:00.000-05:00

"Fragelee! It must be Italian."

In my last post I had such a good response about funny movie quotes, I decided to do it one more time, "The Sequel." I actually had a good time doing it. It really did bring back some fond memories. So here are some more funny movie quotes I found and some that people left as a comment in my last post. Some of these quotes I can not believe I didn't put on my first post. Like I said before, my memory is fading fast. So here we go for the second time for the last time. (Sorry, a little Spaceball humor.) So here we go.

1. "It's good to be the king." History of the World Part I
2. "What in the wild wild world of sports is going on here?" Blazing Saddles
3. "Fragelee! It must be Italian." A Christmas Story
4. "Here's a quarter. Why don't you go somewhere and have a rat nibble that thing off your face." Uncle Buck
5. "Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here." Back to the Future
6. "Oh man, hey no hurling on the shell dude, OK? I just waxed it." Finding Nemo
7. "If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter." Grease
8. "Hey, no force fields." The incredible
9. "Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up." The Wedding Singer
10. "Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat." Tommy Boy
11. "Not my gumdrop buttons." Shrek
12. "Those aren't pillows." Planes, Trains and Automobiles
13. "How was school. - Worst day of my life, what do you think." Napoleon Dynamite
14. "You seem somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?" Pirates of the Caribbean
15. "Major Payne took out the bad guy with extreme prejudice." Major Payne
16. "Candy bar, candy bar, I am going to get a candy bar." Little Shop of Horrors
17. "What did you shoot him with, a 38? - 38, 39 whatever it takes." Mr. Mom
18. "What hump?" Young Frankenstein
19. "Go ahead, hit the pillow, you will feel better." Analyze This
20. "I'm sailing." What about Bob
21. "May the Schwartz be with you." Spaceballs
22. "I am very sneaky." Mr. Deeds
23. "Bear, big bear, big bear, bald headed bear!" The Great Outdoors
24. Are you crying? There's no crying -- there's no crying in baseball!"? A League of Their Own
25. Why don't you call me some time when you have no class." Back to School
26. "The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!" The Jerk
27. "Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were young?" Tommy Boy

That's it. Enjoy!
Joe

"Pedro will make all of your wildest dreams come true."

2005-06-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

Last week there was an official Top 100 list of movie quotes. I was kind of disappointed that there were not more quotes from movie comedies. So I decided to start my own. There are a few blogs out there that feel the same as I do, I wish I had blogmarked them so you could see them but I am lazy and did not do it. So here we go, I am not going to do a hundred, just enough to get us started and if you want, you can add to the list. These are in no particular order. And it may not be the exact quote, I am trying to do this by memory, which at my age is not the greatest.

1. "I am sorry your mom blew up, Ricky." Better Off Dead
2. "It's in the hole!" Caddyshack
3. "He slimed me." Ghostbusters
4. "I caught you a delicious bass." Napoleon Dynamite
5. "Thank you sir, may I have another?" Animal House
6. "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
7. "Sure I have heard of grits. I just actually never seen a grit before." My Cousin Vinny
8. "Whoa-ho-ho! I don't play defense." Space Jams
9. "Juuust a bit outside." Major League
10. "I'll be taken these Huggies and whatever cash you got." Raising Arizona
11. "Have fun storming the castle!" The Princess Bride
12. "That's the fact, Jack!" Stripes
13. "My mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no tooth brush." Waterboy
14. "What's happening, Hot Stuff?" Sixteen Candles
15. "Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers hug." Tommy Boy
16. "Do NOT go in there! Whoooo." Ace Ventura
17. "Surely, you can't be serious. I am serious and don't call me Shirley." Airplane
18. "Illinois Nazis....I hate Illinois Nazis." The Blues Brothers
19. "Cinderella story...outta nowhere...former greens keeper, about to become Masters Champion." Caddyshack
20. "That wasn't flying! That was falling, with style." Toy Story
21. "Parfait, everybody loves parfaits!" Shrek
22. "So, when did you get the tenament on wheels." Christmas Vacation
23. Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin away a perfectly good white boy." Better Off Dead
24. "At last! We meet for the first time for the last time." Spaceballs
25. "I'm a ghost with the most, babe." Beetlejuice
26. "Take off, eh?" Strange Brew
27. "She wrote me a 'dear-John' letter...something about me not listening enough, I don't know... I wasn't really paying attention." Dumb and Dumber
28. "Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball! Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge." Dodgeball
29. "If that is Seabass over there." Dumb and Dumber
30. "Mini Me, you complete me." Austin Powers
31. "Ain't nothing to be proud of, Rusty." Vacation
32. First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault." A Bug's Life
33. "Hey, I like the hat, man. They sell men's clothes where you got that? Footloose
34. "I wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning." Stripes
35. "Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." The Princess Bride
36. "You got something to say. Speak into the mike, check, one, two. I have a back-up." Joe Dirt

I hope some of these brought back some funny memories.
Have a great day, Joe

Family Time!

2005-06-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

Quick note while the family is down at the pool. We started our family vacation today, we have a room at a Holiday Inn on the beach with an view of the Gulf of Mexico. Believe me, I am not rich, I travel a lot with my company so I collect priority points therefore my room is free for the week. I love it when God takes care of me and my family.
Did I mention it is my 19 anniversary today also. Not to shabby.
Yall have a great week, Joe

"Officer, I know I was speeding, but..."

2005-06-12T20:00:00.001-05:00

I have got to get me some of these! I live in Atlanta and the traffic is horrible, I think these balloons would help me with the traffic. I can see it now, people getting out of my way while I am hitting the emergency lane. With these things on my tail, no one would get angry and I am sure I wouldn't get a ticket.
Have a great day,
Joe

I caught you a delicious bass.

2005-06-09T17:13:00.000-05:00

Do you like my title to this post, I took a line from the Napoleon Dynamite movie. I think it is going to be a classic line one day.

Hunter and I finally had a chance to do some fishing this weekend. What a great day! It wasn't a great day because we caught the largest largemouth bass either of us have ever had an opportunity to put into a boat. It was a great day because we got to spend some "dad and son time" together. The bass was a bonus. Check out the picture. This Is a picture of the bass we caught. We did try to put it back, like we did all the rest of the fish we caught, but it expired before we could. I look at it like this, God has supplied us with dinner for an evening. Oh yeah, check out my shirt, it is one of my favorites.

Anyhow, as Hunter and I were fishing, we never knew what we were going to catch. We would sit and wait and wonder what would be next. Would it be a crappie? Would it be a bass? Would it be a catfish? We caught 16 fish that day and it was a mix of different fish. Yes, we caught crappie, (eleven to be exact) bass, (three of them, 2 over 5 pounds) and two catfish.

As I was sitting there waiting for the next fish to take his breakfast, watching Hunter as we both enjoyed the natural wonders God had created, I started thinking. In Matthew 4:18-19, Jesus saw Simon Peter and his brother Andrew fishing in the sea: for they were fishermen. Jesus said to them, "Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men." He didn't say follow Me and I will make you fishers of white men or black men, Jewish men, men of a certain country, background or race. He said I will make you fishers of men, ALL men.

I think the reason this came to mind was because our pastor asked if we had shared Jesus with anyone this week. This month? This year? It kind of hurt my feelings because I knew what I had done for my Lord this year. But then I thought about my blog and how many people actually read this thing.

I try to keep my blog fun, interesting and God honoring. I tell people how you can be a Christian and still have fun. But I have yet to tell people how to just be a Christian. So that's what I am going to do.

STEP ONE

Let me ask you a few questions.

1. Do you have any kind of spiritual belief?
2. To you, who is Jesus?
3. Do you believe there is a heaven and a hell?
4. If you died right now, where would you go? If heaven, why?
5. If what you believe were not true, would you want to know it?

STEP TWO

Let me show you what the Bible says about those questions.

1. Romans 3:23 - "All have sinned."
2. Romans 6:23 - "Wages of sin is death."
3. John 3:3 - "You must be born again." Why did Jesus come to die? He came to die to be a sacrifice for our sins.
4. John 14:6 - "I am the way."
5. Romans 10:9-11 - "If you confess...you will be saved."
6. 2 Corinthians 5:15 - " Those that live should no longer live for themselves."
7. Revelations 3:20 - "I stand at the door and knock."

STEP THREE

After reading what the Bible has to say, let me ask you a few more questions.

1. Are you a sinner?
2. Do you want forgiveness for your sins?
3. Do you believe Jesus died on the cross for you and rose again?
4. Are you willing to surrender your life to Christ? Are you ready to invite Jesus into your life and into your heart?

BE SILENT.... AND PRAY

Heavenly Father, I have sinned against You. I want forgiveness for all my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and rose again. Father, I give You my life to do with as You wish. I want Jesus Christ to come into my life and into my heart. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen

(Thanks to LifeWay Press and their book Share Jesus Without Fear.)

If anyone has said this prayer please let me know by leaving a comment. If any one has any questions, please feel free to also leave a comment. I will do my best to answer them. If I can't I have plenty of friends out there in the blogger world that can help us both. If you do not want to leave a comment but would like to talk to me in private, you can email me at hunter1224@yahoo.com.

Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms hoe big your God is.

God bless, Joe

If a dog were your teacher!

2005-06-07T17:50:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of my dog when she was a puppy. Unlike my friend Jimmy, I do not try to blame everything on her like he does with his dog. I am a dog person. Do not get me wrong, I like cats, they taste like chicken. Come on folks these are the jokes. I found a little story I thought you guys would like, it doesn't matter if you are a cat or a dog person.

If a dog were your teacher

You would learn stuff like.....
*When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
*Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
*Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
*When it's in your best interest -- practice obedience.
*Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
*Take naps and stretch before rising.
*Run, romp, and play daily.
*Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
*Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
*On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
*On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
*When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
*No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right
back and make friends.
*Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
*Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
*Be loyal.
*Never pretend to be something you're not.
*If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
*When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Author Unknown

I hope you enjoyed the story. Have a great day.

God bless,
Joe

This is NOT me.

2005-06-01T18:36:00.000-05:00

I told you guys in an earlier post that I could not spell very well. I just wanted to set the record straight, I am not in this picture. Besides, I always thought this word was spelled with a "K".

I will actually try to post something without a picture next time. It is just that I have been so busy lately, I have hot had time to do any normal posting. Posting a picture and saying a little something about it is so easy. Not to mention, I am just lazy. Now that I think about it, I did have some time to do a post this past weekend. It has been raining since Sunday morning and I did not have to work Monday . It was nice just to sit around and relax for a couple of days. I do not get to do it often. Plus, like I said I am lazy.

I hope everyone has a better day than these two guys are having.

God bless, Joe

I just don't know.

2005-05-27T17:48:00.000-05:00

I love this picture! I just don't know what to title this post. What do you guys think?

I am planning on taking my oldest son fishing sometime this weekend. I was just wondering if I can get this guy to build me a two seater?

Have a Great Memorial Day weekend!

Joe

Encourage one another!

2005-05-25T07:11:00.000-05:00

The other day a friend of mine sent me this story. I know we all need a bit of encouragement every once in a while. As a matter of fact, I see people needing encouragement just by reading their blogs. So here is a little story that kind of puts it all into perspective.

A Mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and is wife opening a package. "What food might this contain?" He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There Is a mousetrap in the house!; there is a mousetrap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house." The pig sympathized but said, "I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse, But there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you. But it's no skin off my nose."

So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well. She died; And so many people came for her funeral the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

So next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it doesn't concern you, remember that when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. In the book of Genesis, Cain said about Able his brother to our God: "Am I my brother's keeper?" We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and be willing to make that extra effort to encourage one another.

Author Unknown

I hope this helps. And remember, "Don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big your God is!" God bless, Joe

More guy stuff.

2005-05-22T07:30:00.000-05:00

A few bloggers out there have really enjoyed the post about the "Guy Rules" I found and posted a few weeks ago. I have found something almost as humorous.

Why guys are (justifiably) proud of themselves.

1. We know stuff about tanks.
2. We can open all our own jars.
3. We can go to the bathroom without a "support group".
4. We don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
5. We can leave a hotel bed unmade.
6. We can kill our own food.
7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of kindness.
8. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
9. A 5 day trip requires only one suitcase.
10. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.
11. Underwear is $10 a 3-pack.
12. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
13. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming.
14. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking, "he must be mad at me".
15. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
16. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you might just become lifelong friends.
18. Your pals never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
19. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors.
20. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
21. We The same hairstyle lasts for years... maybe decades.
22. We don't have to shave below the neck.
23. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
24. One wallet, One pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
25. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
26. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
27. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes.
Author Unknown

Please believe me when I tell you, I believe God has His own rules for men and women. This post is only a joke.

The comments posted here are not the thoughts and views of the management. (My wife made me include this disclaimer.)

I hope you have enjoyed these as much as I have. Have a great day.

God bless, Joe

God bless us all.

2005-05-18T16:40:00.000-05:00

I found this picture on truthorfiction.com, it is a real picture and has not been touched up.

I do not care what country you are from, if you like neat things, this is a cool picture. You can find God in everything.

"Don't tell God how big your storms are, tell the storms how big your God is."
God bless,
Joe

Dad, do you love me?

2005-05-15T20:10:00.000-05:00

This is my youngest son, Zack. Lately he has been on a kick of asking me questions. Actually, he has been asking me two specific questions, "Dad, are you my friend?" (I have no idea where that question came from, but I like it.) And my favorite, "Daddy, do you love me?" Which my answer to both questions is, "Yes!" Then 30 seconds later, he asks me again, "Dad, do you love me?" And I tell him once again, "Man, you know I love you." Then 43 seconds later he asks, "Dad, do you love me?" That is when I stop doing what I am doing and look into those cute little eyes and say, "Buddy, you are my friend and I will always love you." That pacifies him for about seven and 1/2 minutes, then it starts all over again. Man, I really love that game.

The other day, after our game, I thought to myself, man this sounds very familiar. That's when a small little voice speaks to me, "Joe, do you love Me?" I knew right away where it came from, "Yes, Lord I love You." "Then why don't you read your Bible like you should?" I sit quietly, then I go back to playing on the computer. Later I hear it again, "Joe, are you my friend?" Lord, you know you are my friend." "Then why don't you spend some quiet time with me?" Feeling a little guilty, I go back to watching my favorite TV show. Then I heard it one more time, "Joe, do you love me?" This time it was a lot more clear and I could actually sense God's Holy Spirit. And at that time I realized where I had heard the story before.

John 21:15-17
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."

With tears in my eyes I said, "Lord, I get it! I am sorry for not showing my love for You like I should. I love you Lord, please forgive me of all my sins. I am not perfect, but I will try to do better."

I hope God continues to talk to me like he did that day. It was pretty cool and eye opening. I hope everyone one, at least once in their lives, has an experience like that.

It is funny how God sometimes talks to us. There are times when it is a still small voice. Then there are times when God smacks you in the head and says, "Wake up boy (or girl), I am trying to tell you something." All I can say, always keep your ears, eyes and heart open. God will talk to you. It is up to you to listen and obey Him.

Remember, don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big your God is.
God bless,
Joe